#13 Hold Yourself Well, Body Language: How to talk to Girls Series

Approach is everything. Everything. First impressions are so important. People often make lasting opinions of you in the first two seconds of their interaction with you. Body language is anywhere from 60%-90% of that depending on who you talk to.

Start be holding your chest back and you head high. Look confident. Pretend and until you get it. Fake it till you make it. Don’t slouch. Ever. Walk with confidence and direction. Make and hold eye contact. Don’t back down.

When you are sitting relax. Be poised and in control, not slouching, but be relaxed. You are perfectly comfortable in this situation. In fact, you couldn’t be more at home. Where ever the interaction occurs.

Ultimately you want this to reflect who you really are. But if you’re not quite there yet then try working on it by practicing how a confident comfortable man looks.

Smile. A lot. Genuine smile pull different muscles than fake ones. Even if our conscious brains don’t really notice a difference, our subconscious does and that is often how we get an uneasy feeling about someone who is smiling a lot and seems nice on the surface.

Practice being genuinely happy. Think about what you are thankful for, what you are enjoying about this interaction, the good things that happened to you, how much you love conversation with a beautiful woman, and that will help your smile be more genuine.

 

This is the last post in my series. There is a lot more to be said of course. But there are also more topics we’d like to cover in this blog so we’re going to move on to some other subjects. Practice makes perfect. Get out there and start practicing. Working on all these tips can seem overwhelming. But if you really want to be the kind of man an amazing woman wants . . . be amazing. And that takes hard work. It takes fixing issues in your communication, dressing well, learning how to approach and make good impressions.

 

#12 Don’t talk about negative topics: How to talk to Girls Series

I’ve had the opportunity to observe first hand or here from a girl firsthand how a first date went. One thing that always makes me laugh is guys that spend the entire conversation talking about their life mishaps (not in a funny way but in a complaining depressing way) and about how bad their ex is. I just want to take them aside and shake them. This is not going to win you another date.

Of course, you should be honest about your past. But if anything about any ex come’s up during the conversation, answer it quickly and politely then move on. You don’t need to start that subject early on. If the girl wants to talk about hers that is not your problem. Listen and make a mental note she might not be ready to date.

But when it comes to your ex leave her in the past. And this not only goes for ex’s you don’t like or had terrible break ups with, this goes for the ex who’s still a good friend.  Even if you get along great with your past, your future might not be so keen on hearing the juicy details over a cup of coffee or dinner and wine.

Remember a lot of women are insecure. So bringing up the past can do a couple of things that would hurt your chances of a healthy relationship. One it could make them start comparing themselves and seeing if they match up. Two it could make them worry that you are stuck on the past and can’t get over it. And three it could cause them to wonder if you will talk negatively about them should things not work out between you.

So answer questions quickly and shortly and move on. Or say you’d rather not talk about that on a first date. 

 

#01 Introduction: How to talk to Girls Series

#02 Get out there: How to talk to Girls Series

#03 Talk to people who seem more important than you: How to talk to Girls Series

#04 The three second rule: How to talk to Girls Series

#05 Don’t have expectations:  How to talk to Girls Series

#06 Failure is Feedback: How to talk to Girls Series

#07 Be a happy single man: How to talk to Girls Series

#08 Learn to Listen: How to talk to Girls Series

#09 Ask Questions: How to talk to Girls Series

#10 Talk to her friends: How to talk to Girls series

#11 Pay attention to the guys in the group: How to talk to Girls series

 

#11 Pay attentions to the guys in the group: How to talk to Girls Series

Let’s say you are at the bar and you see a girl you want to talk to. But you feel intimidated because there are three attractive guys sitting at her table with her and another girl as well. You feel certain that one of them is dating her. You get nervous and don’t say anything. Or suppose you are at a dinner party and you notice a girl who happens to be sitting with a couple gentlemen who catches your attention. But you refrain from approaching her because . . . why?

What is it that makes some guys not want to talk to a girl because they see her talking another guy? Certainly there is room for respecting another guy’s friendship and game, but who is to say he’s not “just friends” with her or even her brother?

In situations like this the best thing to do is just be friendly and talk to the guys as much if not more than to the girl. You can observe the way he relates to you to gage his level of interest and extent of investment in the girl. For example, if he begins getting closer, giving you short answers showing a lack of interest, or making obviously possessive statements you can guess he has some sort of interest in her. Maybe ask a friend later if they are together.

However, if he’s just another guy at the party why does he somehow have more of a right or a better change of talking to her than you? Competition is good because it makes us better men. I honestly think some women pit guys against each other to see who will come out the best.

Don’t see other guys as a threat. See them as potential friends, contacts, business partners, and perhaps most importantly your way in to a conversation with the girl you like. And if the girl ends up being with the guy, as long as you are respectful and charming, you’re not going to cause any trouble by talking to her.

#01 Introduction: How to talk to Girls Series

#02 Get out there: How to talk to Girls Series

#03 Talk to people who seem more important than you: How to talk to Girls Series

#04 The three second rule: How to talk to Girls Series

#05 Don’t have expectations:  How to talk to Girls Series

#06 Failure is Feedback: How to talk to Girls Series

#07 Be a happy single man: How to talk to Girls Series

#08 Learn to Listen: How to talk to Girls Series

#09 Ask Questions: How to talk to Girls Series

#10 Talk to her friends: How to talk to Girls series

 

#10 Talk to her friends: How to talk to Girls Series

Ever meet that fun beautiful girl who just happens to have an unattractive boring best friend? Some guys call these girls cock-blocks or gatekeepers. There are lots of theories as to why they exist the most popular probably being that beautiful girls like having a less attractive less interesting friend to keep themselves the center of attention.

Regardless of the truth, what should you do in these situations? What if the gatekeeper really is trying to keep you from entering the gate and getting the girl’s number or talking to her one on one? What if she’s actually not that bad she’s just “in your way”?

First of all you need to show that you are interested in both of them. Not romantically. But as human beings. Perhaps you could even begin by paying more attention to the gatekeeper than the girl you are interested in. Learn her likes and dislikes and charm her. You NEED her to like you.

Second, don’t appear threatening. If you are over the top flirtatious or overtly sexual or come across as a complete jerk, these gatekeepers are there to stop you. However, if you are fun and interesting and find common ground with both of them (build rapport); you will have a better chance of getting past.

Third, if you do get the number, invite to hang out, or date, be sure to include the friends (Attractive and fun or not) in future outings. This is important because while you don’t want to become a part of their group (you want to pull the girl into your exciting world not mooch off of hers) you do want to be a welcome visitor.

Finally, if things don’t work out, who knows, not all friends are boring or unattractive. Attractive girls usually have some attractive friends. If nothing happened between you and the girl, there is nothing wrong with dating her friends.

 

#01 Introduction: How to talk to Girls Series

#02 Get out there: How to talk to Girls Series

#03 Talk to people who seem more important than you: How to talk to Girls Series

#04 The three second rule: How to talk to Girls Series

#05 Don’t have expectations:  How to talk to Girls Series

#06 Failure is Feedback: How to talk to Girls Series

#07 Be a happy single man: How to talk to Girls Series

#08 Learn to Listen: How to talk to Girls Series

#09 Ask Questions: How to talk to Girls Series

 

#08 Learn to listen: How to talk to Girls Series

Girls love to laugh as much as we do. If your naturally the center of attention and the funny guy in the group your probably used to making people laugh and having them listen to you. You can probably talk about anything for hours.

Or maybe you’re a story teller. Maybe you have a lot of exciting things you just can’t wait to retell and your close friends actually do enjoy listening to you and your adventures.

Or perhaps you feel passionately about something. Politics, theology, relationships, etc. And you could wax eloquent for hours on your pet theme.

Well guess what, girl you just met probably doesn’t want to hear that for hours on end. I mean gage the situation. If you meet her in the context of you being the center of attention, sure maybe she will enjoy you continuing to hold that position for a bit.

But eventually she wants to talk. About her. And she should. That’s fair. Learn to love it. Learn to love to listen to a woman talk.

We’ve not supposed to be this way unless we’re gay in today’s society. And there is a limit. You don’t want to become her girlfriend for her to bitch to. But you do need to develop the ability to actually listen, not just hear, and actually enjoy it.

How do you do that? A couple things. First of all if she totally bores you she’s probably not for you. Just saying. But sometimes it’s more a matter of perspective. You need to get out of the mindset that what girls think about and talk about is somehow stupid and what guys talk about is somehow intelligent and logical and interesting.

Listening to a girl talk is like entering another world. It’s exciting. I don’t get it sometimes. But it’s fascinating. And they can be funny and interesting and good stories tellers if you let them. They can show you a side of life you never realized existed and its quite a delight. But you have to start with the mindset that what they have to say isn’t stupid.

So let’s say you are sitting at the bar enjoying a good beer and you realize you’ve been talking about yourself a bit too much. Look over to her and say, “you look like you have a pretty exciting life. Why don’t you tell me about it? Make me jealous.” Or your own version of that. Make them feel comfortable and enjoy the conversation.

#01 Introduction: How to talk to Girls Series

#02 Get out there: How to talk to Girls Series

#03 Talk to people who seem more important than you: How to talk to Girls Series

#04 The three second rule: How to talk to Girls Series

#05 Don’t have expectations:  How to talk to Girls Series

#06 Failure is Feedback: How to talk to Girls Series

#07 Be a happy single man: How to talk to Girls Series

 

#07 Be a happy single man: How to talk to Girls Series

Your single right now. Most likely. If you are in the market for some new girls at least. If you are in a relationship, well talk to your girl and be honest bro. At least let her know what’s up. If she’s cool with it by all means continue.

So let’s assume you are single. Are you happy? Are you content? How many times have you heard the statement that unhappy single people make miserable married people (or some twist on the matter)? I’ve heard it from so many people it’s not even funny.

Funny thing is: most of these people aren’t happy. At all. They really want a relationship bad. They want to have a girl friend or boyfriend and I guess it’s become hip to say your happy single even if you’re not so they try to fit in. But two days later the first desperate miserable single person like themselves who they happen to run into becomes their next destined to fail dependent relationship. It’s not healthy and makes for failed marriages and miserable break ups.

So save yourself the trouble. If you’re not happy being single don’t date. At all. Till you learn to be happy being single. Hard to do? Yes. Very. I can attest to that guys. Remember I might write a website, but I’m a normal guy. I want to wake up next to a girl sometimes to. And it’s hard being happy being single sometimes.

But it’s hard being happy dating too. If you aren’t content in yourself (hopefully in God ultimately). Because all the sudden girlfriend has a menstrual cycle and gets moody and you have to either love her when it’s tough or be a jerk and write her hormonally caused emotions off as “a problem with her head”. And now you’re fighting and you want to break up.

Or maybe your kind and sensitive. But there comes a day when she is just every day girlfriend. And you aren’t happy because those emotions wear off. Trust me they do. Doesn’t mean you stop loving her but if you haven’t found a REAL purpose to live for besides a girl, you won’t be happy.

See so many guys have this idea that their happiness is going to be found in marriage to that perfect woman. Listen to me:

If you get NOTHING else from this website get this

YOU WILL NOT FIND HAPPINESS IN A RELATIONSHIP. Not ultimate life-fulfilling happiness anyway

Don’t believe me? Go try it your way. I did.

Read more.

#01 Introduction: How to talk to Girls Series

#02 Get out there: How to talk to Girls Series

#03 Talk to people who seem more important than you: How to talk to Girls Series

#04 The three second rule: How to talk to Girls Series

#05 Don’t have expectations:  How to talk to Girls Series

#06 Failure is Feedback: How to talk to Girls Series

 

#06 Failure is Feedback: How to talk to Girls Series

Ever heard that before? Probably not. If we are in college or fresh out, we probably got tired of hearing our friends or ourselves complaining about almost failing tests and trying not to be a failure at life. It’s built into our systems from grade school.

But is this healthy? Is a pass fail mindset really good? I think Christians really have it worse off than the rest. We often view Christianity as pass fail.

• You either pass the purity test (still got the v-card) or you fail (gave into natural human passions?).
• You either pass by saying the prayer and accept evangelical Christian absolutes (even if they have been debated by sincere scholars for 2000 years) or you fail by not saying the prayer (or simply asking a question about something you just don’t get like the Trinity or Church).
• You either pass the passionate Christian test by raising your hands in church (or playing acoustic Christian songs on your guitar) or you fail by skipping church and having a beer.

The list goes one. But honestly, is this how life really is? Is it always a pass fail? When Peter denies Jesus did he fail the test and get kicked out of the kingdom? Or did he just hurt Jesus feelings, feel guilty for a few weeks, and then seek forgiveness and grace?

Failure doesn’t exist for you my friend. Starting today. You do not fail at anything. When you go out to meet a girl and she doesn’t want to talk to you again because you came across as creepy: you didn’t fail. No like Edison said about the light bulb (supposedly) you just found one more way that DOESN’T work.

When you get rejected for that second date, you didn’t fail. You just found one more girl who isn’t your type. Or at least not now she’s not.

It’s all feedback. It’s all contributing to make you a better man, to make you who you need to be to be the right man for the right girl when the time comes. And it will come. Because you don’t fail my friend. You are a winner and you are confident in that. Not every winner takes home the gold at the Olympics. But you can still be a hell of a good swimmer without having to be Michael Phelps.

Read more!

#01 Introduction: How to talk to Girls Series

#02 Get out there: How to talk to Girls Series

#03 Talk to people who seem more important than you: How to talk to Girls Series

#04 The three second rule: How to talk to Girls Series

#05 Don’t have expectations:  How to talk to Girls Series

 

#05 Don’t have expectations: How to talk to Girls Series

When you go to talk to a girl that you like one of the problems we have is that we get all these fantasies about being her boyfriend and dating her and all, that we psych ourselves out. Girls do this too. They get all dreamy eyed and start talking about this guy as if they were dating, when in reality they’ve hardly met him.

Expectations kill your ability to act natural. They make you feel awkward and take away confidence. We have this problem of expecting something to happen rather than enjoying the moment.

This can go both ways: on the one hand we might expect that things won’t go well. We might think this girl is way out of our league so how could she like to talk to me. She couldn’t be really interested in me so why waste my time. Look at her she has style and class, and my hair looks stupid today. And look at all the other guys talking to her. She probably has lots of options.

We set ourselves up for failure by thinking through things too much. We really don’t know if any of that is true. For all we really know she might be dying for you to talk to her but is too shy to initiate the conversation.

The other way this can go is setting up expectations of success too high. Or maybe we just aren’t defining success correctly. Success is talking to the girl, having a good time, meeting someone new, having a good story to tell. Success is not getting her number (eventually you need some of those but don’t worry about it now). Success is not taking her home, getting a girlfriend, falling in love, impressing your buddies.

I often tell people if they can remember one thing about meeting girls (or guys) is don’t have expectations. And this goes on into the relationships should one develop down the road: even marriage. But read our other posts to learn more about that. Expectations kill relationships bro. Seriously. 

 

Read more!

#01 Introduction: How to talk to Girls Series

#02 Get out there: How to talk to Girls Series

#03 Talk to people who seem more important than you: How to talk to Girls Series

#04 The three second rule: How to talk to Girls Series

 

#04 The three second rule: How to talk to Girls Series

 

Ever been hanging out and seen this girl you really find attractive. You want to go talk to her so bad. She looks so fine. Your friend says she’s a great catch and not dating anyone. You catch her eye. You look away. You aimlessly wander toward her. Glazed eyes. Looking at the floor. You sit near her but not in her circle. You pretend to text a friend.

 

By now you’ve lost the courage and you saunter away trying to convince yourself she wasn’t that great anyway.

 

When you see a girl you want to talk to, try to talk to her within three seconds of making eye contact. That is not much time. You don’t want to appear too eager, but try to get out there and converse with her as quickly as possible. This is not something I came up with. Numerous relationship experts agree with this as a principle. Perhaps it’s because our first impressions are often formed in less than three seconds.

 

This does not mean making a beeline across the room toward her as soon as you spot her. What it does mean is be direct. Be the man. Go talk to a girl. If she doesn’t’ like you so what. Have a good time anyway. But don’t wander aimlessly checking text messages you didn’t get. Talk to her.

 

And don’t waste your time thinking forever about what to say. Just be yourself. If it’s awkward at first it will get better. I promise. Remember three seconds is not enough time for her to think about all the reasons she wouldn’t want to talk to you or you enough time to chicken out. It’s the right amount of time to make eye contact, hopefully exemplify courage and confidence and then make contact.

 

Read more. Click Here.

 

#03 Talk to people who seem more important than you: How to talk to Girls Series

Why would you want to do that? How does talking to more important people have anything to do with getting girls?

One thing that most guys struggle with is this: when they meet a girl they really like they start treating her different, as if she was on a pedestal above every other woman. Sure maybe she is great for you, but seriously bro is she really 10 times better than every other woman in the world? I highly doubt it.

And even if she is, not every girl wants a suck up.

So here’s the problem: we treat girls we like as if we are their little b****s. And girls we don’t like? Well we’re fun and carefree and adventurous and bold and confident (hmmm sounds like a recipe for attraction.

To get over this problem it is often helpful to simply get comfortable talking to so called important people. Talk to some doctors or lawyers. Try joking around with them or teasing them. Talk to an important pastor. Learn to think of him as your buddy, in a respectful sort of way. Talk to that guy who intimidates you. Hang out with a group of people who you don’t feel comfortable with. Hang out with someone who is better off financially than you.

The goal is this: get used to thinking of people as  . . . well as people. Just because I have a doctorate behind my name (or a sexy face and blonde hair) doesn’t mean I’m actually a better person than you or anyone else. I might be a jerk and a terrible physician who cheated his way through med school and likes to party more than care for my patients.

Practical tips: talk to two people this week who you think are more important than you in some way. Ask for their advice on something. Than give them some advice or a piece of wisdom. Tell them to do something in a polite way. Imagine that you are their boss (a nice boss) and need them to do something for you.

Read more. Click Here.