#13 Hold Yourself Well, Body Language: How to talk to Girls Series

Approach is everything. Everything. First impressions are so important. People often make lasting opinions of you in the first two seconds of their interaction with you. Body language is anywhere from 60%-90% of that depending on who you talk to.

Start be holding your chest back and you head high. Look confident. Pretend and until you get it. Fake it till you make it. Don’t slouch. Ever. Walk with confidence and direction. Make and hold eye contact. Don’t back down.

When you are sitting relax. Be poised and in control, not slouching, but be relaxed. You are perfectly comfortable in this situation. In fact, you couldn’t be more at home. Where ever the interaction occurs.

Ultimately you want this to reflect who you really are. But if you’re not quite there yet then try working on it by practicing how a confident comfortable man looks.

Smile. A lot. Genuine smile pull different muscles than fake ones. Even if our conscious brains don’t really notice a difference, our subconscious does and that is often how we get an uneasy feeling about someone who is smiling a lot and seems nice on the surface.

Practice being genuinely happy. Think about what you are thankful for, what you are enjoying about this interaction, the good things that happened to you, how much you love conversation with a beautiful woman, and that will help your smile be more genuine.

 

This is the last post in my series. There is a lot more to be said of course. But there are also more topics we’d like to cover in this blog so we’re going to move on to some other subjects. Practice makes perfect. Get out there and start practicing. Working on all these tips can seem overwhelming. But if you really want to be the kind of man an amazing woman wants . . . be amazing. And that takes hard work. It takes fixing issues in your communication, dressing well, learning how to approach and make good impressions.

 

Focus on HER. feelings

You can create feelings: through who you are, through what you do and how you engage her. It doesn’t have to be just chance and good luck. You can make it happen…

One mistake that most good guys I know make is to let their feelings get in the way. Either they’re not confident enough or get overran by feelings… they are just lost. And they don’t chase.

When you chase a girl- from first look, to first date, to first kiss – you HAVE to focus on her. It’s about her and her feelings. If you can’t get that off the ground, she won’t care about your feelings. Not to say that your feelings are not important, but be the first  to give and then reap the benefits.

That element of “connection” is a combination of a few things: 1. emotional relating 2. body language 3.feelings of attraction 4.mystery and 5.continuity.

1. Emotional Relating

There are not that many emotionally mature guys out there. What i mean by that is guys who know how to relate in a healthy manner with their feelings. It’s not about being effeminate but being in touch with your feminine side. Guys who are emotionally mature are aware of what people around them around them are going through emotionally. They know when to get involved and when to stay at bay. They can pick up small cues and create feelings in others. Just like you work out your muscles, you can work out your emotional connectivity. Oh, and don’t forget to have some mental boundaries.

2. Body Language

You’ve hear it said before, but 93% of communication is non-verbal: 55% body language and 38% tone of voice. That being said, you’ve to pay close attention to those things. You’re saying a lot before you even open your mouth. They way you look at her, the way you walk over, your stride, your shoulder orientation – all these speak something about you (quick tip: try to lean backwards- it makes you look more confident and more settled). Look in the mirror, make a video of yourself and watch it. Then exercise better ways of doing it. This is learnable like anything else.

3. Feelings of Attraction

Here’s the scoop: feelings can be created, yes even feelings of attraction. Learn how she functions and what makes her tick: mostly by observing and active listening. Pick up when her tone is excited or what things make her smile. Then do those things and make the look random. Plan ahead, and make it look like it just happened. This leads me to my next point.

4. Mystery

Don’t give it all away. Don’t put all your cards on the table, not just yet. Make her think there’s more to you than meets the eye, if she just sticks around. Leave some open ended question. Spark her interest about something and then change the subject (e.g. “yeah, I write poetry… haven’t done it in a while though, didn’t have a good reason to, haha.  Oh, look Kohl’s on discount today- let’s go check it out. What’s your favorite thing to shop there?”). You’ve put the idea in her mind, but didnt’ make a big deal out of it. She’ll think about it later but wonder why you didn’t tell her more. She’ll be curious, thinking about you, asking questions. Mystery leads to:

5. Continuity

Good relationships feel like they will last forever and there is so much more to discover in each other. Sometimes that happens by chance: you just meet somebody who sparks your interest and you just connect to. Other times, you work hard and created that feeling. A feeling of continuity makes both parties want to invest in the relationship. It also makes girls feel safe, and that is an amazing feelings for them, a must in any serious relationship.

So focus on her feelings. Help her, direct her feelings to where you want them to go. Do it with integrity. Be charming and engaging. Make it an adventure that both of you enjoy. Focus on her feelings and you’ll be off to a good start. Create “the connection” and then keep it going.