When you go to talk to a girl that you like one of the problems we have is that we get all these fantasies about being her boyfriend and dating her and all, that we psych ourselves out. Girls do this too. They get all dreamy eyed and start talking about this guy as if they were dating, when in reality they’ve hardly met him.
Expectations kill your ability to act natural. They make you feel awkward and take away confidence. We have this problem of expecting something to happen rather than enjoying the moment.
This can go both ways: on the one hand we might expect that things won’t go well. We might think this girl is way out of our league so how could she like to talk to me. She couldn’t be really interested in me so why waste my time. Look at her she has style and class, and my hair looks stupid today. And look at all the other guys talking to her. She probably has lots of options.
We set ourselves up for failure by thinking through things too much. We really don’t know if any of that is true. For all we really know she might be dying for you to talk to her but is too shy to initiate the conversation.
The other way this can go is setting up expectations of success too high. Or maybe we just aren’t defining success correctly. Success is talking to the girl, having a good time, meeting someone new, having a good story to tell. Success is not getting her number (eventually you need some of those but don’t worry about it now). Success is not taking her home, getting a girlfriend, falling in love, impressing your buddies.
I often tell people if they can remember one thing about meeting girls (or guys) is don’t have expectations. And this goes on into the relationships should one develop down the road: even marriage. But read our other posts to learn more about that. Expectations kill relationships bro. Seriously.