Myths about Friends with Benefits

Although my poll is not a scientific one, so far the results show that 60% of my readers believe that friend’s with benefits is never a wise idea.

This is the expected answer in Christian circles and I would presume that most of my readers are Christians. However, I would guess that in practice the actual number is much lower. Perhaps that is why some of us feel it is unwise, we have practiced it and had negative consequences.

Unfortunately most people learn by trial and error and not by other people’s advice. Especially when hormones and emotions are involved.

However, if we define friends with benefits as any amount of physical relationship (from cuddling onward) that is not a committed exclusive one; then I think we could say that most of us have had this type of relationship before. And that is the definition of friends with benefits I will use in this series. I’m not just talking about friends that have sex. I’m talking about all levels: cuddling, making out, Christian sex, etc.

So if you still believe friends with benefits is morally wrong (biblically) despite my definition and my assumption of actual practice, let me challenge you thinking once more:

Do you believe that some sort of physical relationship (holding hands, kissing and making out, are ok according to another poll we did) during a committed dating relationship is ok?

If so have you had been fully committed and then broken up?

Have you have thought you would marry someone and allowed yourself to go further physically than you would otherwise and then found it didn’t work out?

How many of your friends married their freshman boyfriend?

How many of you were quite physical with him?

Where do we get our standards for physical morality?

Is it from the Bible? Read out previous series to learn more about how far is too far and the like in a healthy physical relationship.

Did you know that the Bible only makes one distinction when it comes to relationships? Married and unmarried.

So what if we agree with the last series and say that physical needs to progress slowly with increasing intimacy toward marriage (I would agree with that for sure). This would involve a physical relationship to some extent outside of marriage. However, the Bible from which we get our morality would consider this simply a friendship, especially before engagement (remember marriage or no marriage is the paradigm).

Therefore, would it not be reasonable that if it was Biblically wrong to be friends with benefits than it would be biblically wrong to be dating with benefits?

If the average person have four failed relationships before marriage, aren’t your chances of a serious relationship not ending in marriage greater than the other way around?

If we liken dating to marriage instead of to friendship than wouldn’t it be more like a divorce when you break up after being physical?

And if God hate’s divorce wouldn’t it be better to wait until you are both 100% sure you will spend the rest of life together before advancing physically?

I’m only trying to challenge conventional thought not give an opinion here. The following articles with seek to address some of the practical ins and outs of friend’s with benefits without delving to deeply into the moral issues. That’s for you to decide. Happy reading!

 

Getting Physical Part 1

I won’t ask where the lines is. There’s been enough talk about that.

I’d like to talk about what getting physical does, and how that plays into our relationships. It’s no secret: getting physical affects both our body and our souls. It can be a good thing, it can be a bad thing, it certainly is one of the main reason we do get in romantic relationships.

Not being physical attracted is one the most common reason not to get in a relationship. And when you’re attracted and get going… sparks fly. I’m not really interested in talking about how much to hold hands and how far is to far. That’s for another time or perhaps another post.

What I am interested in talking about is how it affects a relationship and how we use it or misuse it. To thrive, every deep meaningful romantic relationship must develop on an intelectual, emotional, social and physical level. When one is a miss, there is misconnection.

It’s also helpful to be growing in all these areas. If two people develop a deep emotional connection but have no physical inclination, we’d call that a platonic relationship. When we get physical, anything from holding hands, to a kiss or making out – that brings the relationships to a whole new level. It changes the way we think about the relationship and the other person. It affects our thoughts and emotions toward them. It moves the relationship in a certain direction…

The point is this: getting physical is an awesome things – it’s also a responsibility. Cherish it, guard it, cultivate it. At the end of the day, we’re not essentially bodies, but souls, souls with bodies.