Ever heard of the friend zone? The friend zone is a place where you put people of the opposite sex who you are sure you would never have sex with. They are the good friends whom you can openly talk about your pursuits with others of the opposite sex without worrying that it might hurt your chances with them because . . .
Well mostly because you just aren’t attracted to them. Or even if you are for some reason they have been relegated to the friend zone.
Oddly enough guys don’t tend to do this very often. Sure there are certain girls who would just never work and a guy knows this. But most of the time guys don’t have deep friend ships with girls who they aren’t at least open to the idea of having their mind changed. In other words, I’m not interested now but I’m not so closed to the idea that it has become a line I could never cross.
Girls seem to be more rigid in their friend zones. That’s why you have guys complaining of being put there and trying to get out, more than you would perhaps girls.
Why they do this is perhaps another topic, but my guess is particularly beautiful girls have many suitors and know that since they can have what they want they might as well take someone who is at least 75% of their dream guy. Anyone else makes a great friend or connection but isn’t really an option. Ever.
Guys are forever trying to stay out of the friend zone with hot women. There are books written and stories told of the methods guy’s use. But ultimately the straight and simple of it is: the more sexual and physical you are with a woman the less likely you are to be placed in that dead zone.
Granted, I know from experience it is possible to be an amazingly charming flirt and still find yourself stuck there. When a girl makes up her mind about you it usually sticks.
This is why a lot of guys enjoy the friends with benefits approach. The benefits ensure that the girl is a least physically attracted and will have a harder time leaving the guy in the friend’s zone. Of course if the girl is strong she may be able to be physical without any emotional connection. But honestly this is rare.
The problem is many guys fail to be honest. They simply assume the girl is on the same page. This is fun and I want to keep you as an option but I’m in no way committed right now.
I’m not going to be your conscience on this issue or attempt to solve a moral dilemma. I agree the friend zone is unfair and hard to get out of. And I also agree that sometimes even when you do manage to get out of it, things just become awkward.
But realize that both parties have feelings and if you are a real friend these should matter. So don’t take things so far that you would hurt a real friend.
The friend zone is a tricky situation. One that I don’t have a perfect answer for. Friends with benefits may not be your best solution.