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Avoiding the Friend Zone using Friends with Benefits


Ever heard of the friend zone? The friend zone is a place where you put people of the opposite sex who you are sure you would never have sex with. They are the good friends whom you can openly talk about your pursuits with others of the opposite sex without worrying that it might hurt your chances with them because . . .

Well mostly because you just aren’t attracted to them. Or even if you are for some reason they have been relegated to the friend zone.

Oddly enough guys don’t tend to do this very often. Sure there are certain girls who would just never work and a guy knows this. But most of the time guys don’t have deep friend ships with girls who they aren’t at least open to the idea of having their mind changed. In other words, I’m not interested now but I’m not so closed to the idea that it has become a line I could never cross.

Girls seem to be more rigid in their friend zones. That’s why you have guys complaining of being put there and trying to get out, more than you would perhaps girls.

Why they do this is perhaps another topic, but my guess is particularly beautiful girls have many suitors and know that since they can have what they want they might as well take someone who is at least 75% of their dream guy. Anyone else makes a great friend or connection but isn’t really an option. Ever.

Guys are forever trying to stay out of the friend zone with hot women. There are books written and stories told of the methods guy’s use. But ultimately the straight and simple of it is: the more sexual and physical you are with a woman the less likely you are to be placed in that dead zone.

Granted, I know from experience it is possible to be an amazingly charming flirt and still find yourself stuck there. When a girl makes up her mind about you it usually sticks.

This is why a lot of guys enjoy the friends with benefits approach. The benefits ensure that the girl is a least physically attracted and will have a harder time leaving the guy in the friend’s zone. Of course if the girl is strong she may be able to be physical without any emotional connection. But honestly this is rare.

The problem is many guys fail to be honest. They simply assume the girl is on the same page. This is fun and I want to keep you as an option but I’m in no way committed right now.

I’m not going to be your conscience on this issue or attempt to solve a moral dilemma. I agree the friend zone is unfair and hard to get out of. And I also agree that sometimes even when you do manage to get out of it, things just become awkward.

But realize that both parties have feelings and if you are a real friend these should matter. So don’t take things so far that you would hurt a real friend.

The friend zone is a tricky situation. One that I don’t have a perfect answer for. Friends with benefits may not be your best solution.

 
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Posted by on October 22, 2012 in James

 

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#10 Talk to her friends: How to talk to Girls Series


ImageEver meet that fun beautiful girl who just happens to have an unattractive boring best friend? Some guys call these girls cock-blocks or gatekeepers. There are lots of theories as to why they exist the most popular probably being that beautiful girls like having a less attractive less interesting friend to keep themselves the center of attention.

Regardless of the truth, what should you do in these situations? What if the gatekeeper really is trying to keep you from entering the gate and getting the girl’s number or talking to her one on one? What if she’s actually not that bad she’s just “in your way”?

First of all you need to show that you are interested in both of them. Not romantically. But as human beings. Perhaps you could even begin by paying more attention to the gatekeeper than the girl you are interested in. Learn her likes and dislikes and charm her. You NEED her to like you.

Second, don’t appear threatening. If you are over the top flirtatious or overtly sexual or come across as a complete jerk, these gatekeepers are there to stop you. However, if you are fun and interesting and find common ground with both of them (build rapport); you will have a better chance of getting past.

Third, if you do get the number, invite to hang out, or date, be sure to include the friends (Attractive and fun or not) in future outings. This is important because while you don’t want to become a part of their group (you want to pull the girl into your exciting world not mooch off of hers) you do want to be a welcome visitor.

Finally, if things don’t work out, who knows, not all friends are boring or unattractive. Attractive girls usually have some attractive friends. If nothing happened between you and the girl, there is nothing wrong with dating her friends.

 

#01 Introduction: How to talk to Girls Series

#02 Get out there: How to talk to Girls Series

#03 Talk to people who seem more important than you: How to talk to Girls Series

#04 The three second rule: How to talk to Girls Series

#05 Don’t have expectations:  How to talk to Girls Series

#06 Failure is Feedback: How to talk to Girls Series

#07 Be a happy single man: How to talk to Girls Series

#08 Learn to Listen: How to talk to Girls Series

#09 Ask Questions: How to talk to Girls Series

 
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Posted by on July 27, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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