Tag Archives: girls

Focus on HER. feelings

You can create feelings: through who you are, through what you do and how you engage her. It doesn’t have to be just chance and good luck. You can make it happen…

One mistake that most good guys I know make is to let their feelings get in the way. Either they’re not confident enough or get overran by feelings… they are just lost. And they don’t chase.

When you chase a girl- from first look, to first date, to first kiss – you HAVE to focus on her. It’s about her and her feelings. If you can’t get that off the ground, she won’t care about your feelings. Not to say that your feelings are not important, but be the first  to give and then reap the benefits.

That element of “connection” is a combination of a few things: 1. emotional relating 2. body language 3.feelings of attraction 4.mystery and 5.continuity.

1. Emotional Relating

There are not that many emotionally mature guys out there. What i mean by that is guys who know how to relate in a healthy manner with their feelings. It’s not about being effeminate but being in touch with your feminine side. Guys who are emotionally mature are aware of what people around them around them are going through emotionally. They know when to get involved and when to stay at bay. They can pick up small cues and create feelings in others. Just like you work out your muscles, you can work out your emotional connectivity. Oh, and don’t forget to have some mental boundaries.

2. Body Language

You’ve hear it said before, but 93% of communication is non-verbal: 55% body language and 38% tone of voice. That being said, you’ve to pay close attention to those things. You’re saying a lot before you even open your mouth. They way you look at her, the way you walk over, your stride, your shoulder orientation – all these speak something about you (quick tip: try to lean backwards- it makes you look more confident and more settled). Look in the mirror, make a video of yourself and watch it. Then exercise better ways of doing it. This is learnable like anything else.

3. Feelings of Attraction

Here’s the scoop: feelings can be created, yes even feelings of attraction. Learn how she functions and what makes her tick: mostly by observing and active listening. Pick up when her tone is excited or what things make her smile. Then do those things and make the look random. Plan ahead, and make it look like it just happened. This leads me to my next point.

4. Mystery

Don’t give it all away. Don’t put all your cards on the table, not just yet. Make her think there’s more to you than meets the eye, if she just sticks around. Leave some open ended question. Spark her interest about something and then change the subject (e.g. “yeah, I write poetry… haven’t done it in a while though, didn’t have a good reason to, haha.  Oh, look Kohl’s on discount today- let’s go check it out. What’s your favorite thing to shop there?”). You’ve put the idea in her mind, but didnt’ make a big deal out of it. She’ll think about it later but wonder why you didn’t tell her more. She’ll be curious, thinking about you, asking questions. Mystery leads to:

5. Continuity

Good relationships feel like they will last forever and there is so much more to discover in each other. Sometimes that happens by chance: you just meet somebody who sparks your interest and you just connect to. Other times, you work hard and created that feeling. A feeling of continuity makes both parties want to invest in the relationship. It also makes girls feel safe, and that is an amazing feelings for them, a must in any serious relationship.

So focus on her feelings. Help her, direct her feelings to where you want them to go. Do it with integrity. Be charming and engaging. Make it an adventure that both of you enjoy. Focus on her feelings and you’ll be off to a good start. Create “the connection” and then keep it going.


Posted by on December 9, 2011 in Jack


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What is this blog all about?

Start here.

Some of you may have seen the posters up and are visiting here for the first time. Or you may have just stumbled upon this website hoping for some help in your relationships. I’m sure many of you are wondering, how are we going to fix your relationships? Or help you meet girls? You may have come here hoping for a quick fix or one article that sums up the entire game.

This is not a quick fix. This website is about lifestyle change that will not happen overnight. It’s about becoming the best so that you can get the best not by trickery or false social proof (i.e. money) but by truly deserving it.

You see when I was in college I came with a lot of presuppositions about dating and relationships. And I really had no clue how the real world worked. I learned the hard way. Through trial and error (lots of trials and innumerable errors). I laugh now looking at who I was back then. How dependent I was and how unattractive the lifestyle I lived would be to any girl.

You’re not going to get Angelina Jolie with a few well planned tricks and manipulation. She’s seen that a million times and probably can play the game better than you’ll ever play it.

And you’re not going to have your knight in shining armor come riding over the mountain on a white horse by reading a couple of blog posts on how men think and how to meet Mr. Right.

It’s going to take work. And lots of reading. Read all our articles. Ask us questions. Read other people’s articles and books. Become the best you can be from the inside out.

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Happy dating!

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Posted by on November 21, 2011 in James


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In your weakness be made strong.

Remember what I talked about naturals? How they just seem to have it all together naturally and that it doesn’t take any effort? I laugh sometimes when I hear guys say things like “Oh that’s just not me. I’m not that good with women. I could never get [insert beautiful, blonde, smart, intimidating girl here] to go out with me. I’m not [insert self-defeating label here] enough for her.”

It makes me laugh not because I want to make fun of these guys but because it’s so opposite of what is true. And by saying those things their creating a self-perpetuating, self-defeating habit.

Remember this statement: Your shortcomings and weaknesses are completely dependent on the power that you give them.

This is a basic self-help principle. The effects of the seemingly negative aspects of our personality are totally up to us. Suppose you are somewhat nerdy guy. You like writing blogs (i.e. myself), talking about philosophy, and reading books. You never really got into sports and probably couldn’t tell the difference between a rifle and a shotgun. You don’t really like to party and if you do socialize its normally one on one over coffee and some deep debate.

I have a challenge for you. Find out what you love. What motivates you and excites you. Become an expert at it. Love it. Be excited about it. Make it interesting because, well it is interesting to you! That’s the key, own what you love.Your first thought might be, “either I can be myself and stay single or maybe get a desperate ring-by-spring girl if I’m lucky, or I can forsake who I am and totally be someone different; but there is no way this is going to work.”

Now rather than going out and trying to impress a girl by asking her out to dinner at Olive Garden or taking her to a movie try this: Invite her into your world. The world you love. Where you are most comfortable and most yourself. Be as confident in demonstrating the value of your world to her as you would to another one of your nerdy friends.

Think about it. When someone is enthusiastic and knowledgeable and charismatic about something, even if it’s something you normally don’t care about, the spirit rubs off and you feel good. You know why I think most guys hate shopping with girls? Because girls don’t do it because they are experts at what they are doing and enthusiastic about their finds. Most girls shop because society says to fit in you have to look a certain way and dress a certain way. And so sometimes it almost feels like your freedom is taken away from you trying to please society. Am I right ladies or totally missing the point?

I’ve had the fun experience of shopping with a girl who simply owned shopping. She knew what went with what and where to get the best deals and unique fashions. And I had a great time doing something I NEVER do on my own.

So let’s take Paul’s Biblical principle and apply it to our relationships. Find your supposed weaknesses and make them your best attributes. This might mean dropping a few things (i.e. video games, I mean come on guys). But it might simply mean just being confident in what you already love, and taking that girl into an entirely new and exciting world where you are the master.

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Posted by on November 12, 2011 in James


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This is all great . . . but isn’t this just for guys?

So I realized that the majority of our posts were geared towards guys. I guess as a male myself I more easily can relate to the challenges of the dating world that mess up so many guys. However, dating can be quite complicated for both sexes and this blog is certainly not intended to be for guys only. The game is not limited to just guys at all.

It would seem in fact that innately many girls know these things by intuition. And many guys who may actually be a great match for a girl they are interested in blow it simply because they don’t have that intuitive understanding of a woman that she has of him. This makes him appear to lack confidence and purpose and therefore decimates his otherwise attractive personality.

How many girls out there have met guys who just did not connect with you on an emotional level? They may have the swagger, the money, the looks (whatever we erroneously believe will attract a woman) and yet without that emotional connection where you feel like he “just gets” you, that spark of attraction can’t really happen.

This blog is for you. It’s to help the guys in your life understand you. It’s a place for you to voice your opinion and understand how guys think. It’s a place to ask questions and offer advice.

Remember we talked about being in state and on being a natural? This applies to women as well. Equally. When you approach a guy (or he approaches you) are you trying too hard to sell yourself? Are you thinking constantly about how you look or what you are saying? Do you say things to try to prove that you’re a great catch?

For a confident guy this is a huge turn off. He wants someone who is sure of herself without having to prove it by telling him. Remember guys are visual. They want to see that you are amazing, not here about it. And don’t forget what I said about the game not solving your problems. This applies to women as much as men. If you are insecure learning how to interact with guys is not going to change that insecurity. Security must always come from within.

Another way that girls often go “out of state” is by trying too hard to play the game (i.e. purposely not responding to phone calls, blowing guys off, acting disinterested when they really are). Certainly, having high standards and holding to them is a must for attracting the right guy. But a confident emotionally connected guy can see through games very quickly. He will either play them back at you or leave you for someone real. So use games with caution.

And don’t confuse “games” with “the game”. The game is the rules which govern attraction in play in real life relationships. Social proof. Confidence. Emotional connections. Etc (see “Why We Play Games“). Games are for high school. They are immature and a waste of time. A guy who falls for them is weak and girl who plays them insecure.

Ask us any questions. Really Anything.



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Posted by on November 1, 2011 in James


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