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Learning by Doing: Practice Makes Perfect


Have you ever been good at anything from day 1? How many skills that you have now did you always have? And how many did you acquire?

Being good at relationships is a skill that is acquired. 

By doing relationship.

You get good at relationships, by being involved in relationships.

As Christians, we are often afraid of failure. We don’t want to do what’s wrong, we don’t want to mess up. Sometimes we would rather not do something, than do it and fail at it. This mentality often pervades evangelicals. And it inhibits us to do relationships.

“I want my first boyfriend to be my husband”. Great desire, hardly the case. We’ve hear people say that. Straight shot, getting it right from the begging. I’m not saying it can’t be done. I’m saying that we’re not naturally good at it. We learn by practice, we learn by doing. It’s the same with relationships. We learn how to interact with women by having friends who are girls, by spending time doing what they want, seeing the world from their perspective.

Thinking emotionally

It doesn’t come natural for most guys. You’ll have to learn how to think through the prism of emotions. It’s taking other people’s emotions into account. Guys are so factual, they usually don’t pick up on all these relational clues. Emotions is information. If you miss an emotional communication, you’ve missed part of what was being communicated. Guys have to learn to gather that information and process is effectively, thus being an emotional mature person. Emotionally savvy individuals do better in life and business. Oh, an relationships of course.

Thinking factually

Don’t mean to throw blanket statements over there, but some girls may be so overwhelmed by emotions that they are not reasonable. There’s many reasons  why that could happen, yet the same effect- not being reasonable. Knowing how to handle’s one emotions is also part of emotional intelligence. Learning coping skills will make for a better partner.

What I’m trying to say is that we shouldn’t have this expectation that life will just work out. Sometimes it doesn’t and this is not a reflection of your character of choices. It just is. What we can do, is choose a response and choose to grow in maturity. Don’t hope to be good at relationship -become good at relationships. Become by doing. And if you find out that you’re not as good as your thought you were, well, count it as a blessings. It’s a lesson that you can learn to become better.

 

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Posted by on March 2, 2012 in Jack

 

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Being “hot” 2 of 2


So I was in preventive class today for well you know… preventive driving, and there was this other guy there. He was in for aggressive driving, doing 102 in 55. He also had a Lamborghini. After talking for a little bit, I asked him how much of those was, and he casually said something like “I don’t know… about 250”. Yeah, and I’ll never play in that league I thought to myself. Anyways, we talked for a little more and I had to say: “that must be such a chick magnet”. “Not as much as you’d think”, he answered. “I get more guys checking it out, yeah, haha, guys and kids”.

Now this is very interesting. From a guy’s perspective, that is like the ultimate sign of power: I’ve got money, I’ve got guts, and I’ve got style. What more could a girl want, right? Well, there’s a little more the girl side of the story.

Even though every girl would want to drive in one of those, that is just half of being “hot”. The other half is the confidence that comes with it. Being hot is about being desirable for the other person and remember, attraction is not a choice.

Emotionally Hot Guys

What girls want besides a super nice car and a lot of confidence, is somebody who can handle them. Somebody who will know what to say to sweep them of their feet, somebody who can be adventurous yet sensible. A lot of guys out there can buy the nice clothes, spray some Giorgio Armani and drive a fast car. It takes a lot of work to get to the other level, of being emotionally mature, expressive and connected. Yes, girls want the adventure, but they want the shared adventure. That is something that the macho guy will not be able to provide in a relationships.

Somebody who is confident, yet kind and interesting with a good sense of humor is so hot because a relationship with somebody like that would be amazing. Besides the physical part, it would be a blast to spend time with such a guy. Learn to be that guy.

Emotionally Hot Girls

For a lot of guys, what does the trick is a short skirt and a tight tank top. It really does, because men are such visual creatures. That however, will not translate into a healthy relationship. Every guy wants somebody who looks attractive, again- because we are such visual creatures. But the emotionally mature, confident, sweet and funny guy will want something more than an intense make-out session. He will want to share his adventures with somebody who can appreciate it, who can understand it and enjoy it.

An emotionally hot girl is one who can understand what the guys is feeling and come along-side, join the fun. Not because she’s insecure or because he will complete her or because he has been prince charming she has been waiting for. A hot mature guys would want to spend his time with a girl who is confident in herself and wants to join the party, the adventure, the journey. They would want a companion that comes not because she needs the adventure, but because she can enhance it.

Conclusion

At the end of the day, being hot an attractive is much more than being like runway models. What we want is not just somebody to have sex with, but share our life with. We want somebody mature, strong, caring and comfortable in their own skin. If you’re enjoying the life you live, you want to share it with somebody else.

Being hot is about learning how to be desirable for the other person, both physically and emotionally- because we have a body and a soul. Don’t be concerned just about the body, chiseling those curves and don’t be just about the soul, praying and reading books all the time. Learn to do both, learn to do them well – because you have both a body and a soul.

Be that kind of person that other want to spend time with, that are enjoyable company. Be like a birthday present for your future spouse: nicely wrapped with great content inside.

 

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Posted by on February 26, 2012 in Jack

 

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Being “hot” 1 of 2


Does being “hot” matter? How does one get to be like that? Proverbs speaks of “charm” as being deceitful. How does it add up?

From a guy’s perspective, beauty matters. Asking if a girl is cute or hot is one of the main questions. Should it be like that? That’s another discussion. The fact of the matter is that this is how guys think. I’ve talked to quite a few girls who think the same about guys.

When we look at somebody, anyobody, we start from the exterior, we start from what we can see. We make a first impression, and we continue our assessment from that. How many times have you said: “all I need to make up my mind is a good look and 2 minutes of conversation”?

How we look matters, and how we carry ourselves matters as well. It may matter less in a committed relationship, but you have to go through first impression in the beginning. And if you want to make a good impression, you’d want to be “hot”.

Before we get to know somebody’s heart, we see their face, their clothes, their shoes, their nails. All these say something about you. Since communication is about 53%-89% nonverbal, you want a handle on what you are saying.

Being “hot” is making yourself likable, desirable. You put yourself in a postion where people like what they see. A lot of it is being well groomed, and polished. Add some fashion, a good parfume and nice hair-cut, and you’ve given yourself a much better chance of making a good impression. And remember, “you’re never fully dress without a smile”.

This is the first half- the physical. The next story will be about emotional attractiveness.

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Posted by on February 23, 2012 in Jack

 

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