Rule 1a: Separate yourself from the outcome
One thing that I have found in my experience is that when you elevate the outcome that you are hoping to get onto a pedestal, you subconsciously inhibit yourself from reaching that outcome. In other words, when you get so focused on the result that you forget about enjoying the journey, you often loose site of the aspects of the journey that make the result possible.
Solution? Separate yourself from the outcome. Don’t let the outcome fill your mind or your thoughts. When you talk to a girl she doesn’t want you thinking “how can I convince her to go on a date with me” or even worse “how can I make her my girlfriend or wife”. She wants to be enjoyed for who she is as a person in the moment. And most likely she can intuitively tell when you have ulterior motives.
Don’t get me wrong, many girls love being pursued. But being pursued doesn’t always (or actually as you’ll learn later, hardly ever) involve logical persuasion that you and she should be together.
That persuasion needs to come seamlessly through the connection you create by enjoying the moment and appreciating her for who she is now not what you can make her be in the future.
In the secular world you often see this idea applied with sex. If you want to have sex you need to stop trying (outwardly) to have sex. The phrase is quite over used “the hungry dog doesn’t get fed” but it is true. When a girl senses you care more about the outcome of your conversation than the conversation itself she is immediately turned off.
I’ve noticed a lot of “nice Christian guys” who, in their attempt to be good pure men who don’t just care about sex, loose the psychological reasoning behind those statements. They think that by openly pursing all the time and being that nice attentive guy the girl will inevitable see that logically they are the best choice because they are the nicest.
Not true. Girls don’t like jerks. That’s a myth (for the most part, you’ll see how it seems true in later posts). But when you approach an attractive woman often her first thought is “what do you want from me” or perhaps “not another one”. She’s used to guys who are only thinking about making her their wife (in Christian circles) or sleeping with her (in secular circles and sadly most Christian ones too).
If you can demonstrate that you really are interested in just enjoying her for the moment and not being dependent on some preconceived outcome, you actually have a better chance at something more.