Monthly Archives: May 2012

Should I spend the night with my boyfriend?

“It’s getting late. We just started the movie. I’m getting comfortable. I feel really connected to him tonight. I’m honestly not looking forward to that fifteen minute drive home. Would it be ok for me to spend the night just this once?”

This is a popular question among Christian couple: is it ok to have a sleep over? In fact, I’ve gotten it a few times from friends. Inevitable someone hears of some other Christian who presumably spent the night with the opposite sex, or at least at their home. And so they ask: “is that ok? What do you think?”

First, like most things, when it comes to relationships there is rarely a one right answer. It’s better to start by thinking through your personal goals in life and in the relationship and then match those with your personal moral standards. Also there are two big distinctions to make:

  • spending the night on your boyfriends couch (or kicking him to the couch and taking his bed) is one thing
  • spending the night with him in his closed bedroom is another.

Some people tend to be overly worried about moral issues and temptation in relationships. My response to the first situation (spending the night in the home of someone of the opposite sex without sleeping in their bed) is this: if you can’t have self-control on your boyfriend’s couch you are not ready to think about a long term relationship.

Why? When you are married you will inevitably go through times of disagreement. You may go through a time when your man is emotionally distant and not really meeting your needs. It happens in most marriages. Meet nice, charming, understanding man at work. He recognizes those needs your husband is not realizing right now. If you haven’t built a pattern of self-control and boundaries in tempting situations, you will not be able to resist when this happens. People who say they would never cheat, who judge those who do, who think they are incapable of falling, these are the ones who fall.

Read more about the second situation by going to

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Posted by on May 22, 2012 in Uncategorized

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