Monthly Archives: April 2012

Who do I date?

There are so many options out there who do I pick? We wrote a post about this several months ago called So many different choices. This talked about some of what I’m going to discuss here. I recommend you read it for more details.

One thing that is very important is realizing that there are two kinds of people in the world. Ok I hate these generalized statements but this one is kind of true. One is the type of person who is a reactor. This person makes decisions based on those around him, emotions, and circumstances. This person is often insecure in themselves and driven by other people. They need a relationship because they feel incomplete without it.

The other is the type of person who acts on the world around them independently. This kind of person is secure in the fact they are single. They know where they are going in life. They know their values. Hopefully you are working to become this kind of person. And once you are there you will want to make sure you also date this kind of person as well.

Compatibility is huge. Being compatible doesn’t mean you like all the same things. It doesn’t mean that you agree on everything. It simply means that you are at the place in life where you know who you are. It also means that you are able and willing to make the necessary compromises to be in a relationship with that person. If you know that this other person wants to travel the world and you know you don’t than you are incompatible. However, if you never thought you wanted to but honestly would be happy just being with that person anywhere, than you are compatible. Just remember though the more dominant personality will usually win.

You want to date someone who is able to think through and make decision well. This is something you are working through and you don’t want to have someone who is just a baby in this area who could make things complicated.

You also want to date someone you have to work to get. Not in a game playing sort of way where they play hard to get just because. But you want someone who you will value. If you don’t think of them as equal or better than you, how can you really respect them in a relationship?

You must find someone who respects you. This is so important. In fact, I’d say it’s the second most important thing in choosing who to date. You must find mutual respect so that even in areas where you disagree you can see where the other person comes from and not think they are an idiot. You must respect them if you expect them to respect you.

I think the most important thing in choosing someone to date is whether or not they are able to forgive you. No matter how hard you try to be perfect you will eventually screw up. You will make them angry. You will frustrate them. Someone who holds grudges and can’t forgive makes a horrible person to date.

One other thing: make sure you are very sexually attracted to that person. At least if sex is ever going to be a part of your relationship. A lot of conservative Christians make the mistake of thinking that a spouse who loves the Lord and has a good personality is all they need. This is very unwise. Mature married couple confirm over and over again that in marriage, frequent passionate sex is often a barometer of how healthy the relationship is. We won’t be perfect in body forever, but you need someone whom you can see yourself waking up naked next to every morning.


Next up: Should I pursue Marriage?

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Posted by on April 3, 2012 in James

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