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Monthly Archives: August 2012

Girl Perspective: Moving Out from Home


There comes a time in every child’s life when they need to leave the nest. They need to go out and explore… Live a little! Run into some problems, make some mistakes. This time comes earlier for some and later for other.

Sometimes however, it doesn’t come at all when faced with challenges such as parental disapproval. It’s more difficult when it’s  a girl wanting to move out. “You have no reason to move out” or “you will be more vulnerable and an easier target for sinful tendencies.”

Every parent thinks they’re raising their children the right way, but when they shelter them and make important life decisions for them, they take away the child’s confidence and stifle their discernment.

How is someone supposed to learn how to survive on their own in the real world when they are constantly over protected by their parents? Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying they shouldn’t care and shouldn’t have an opinion or give advice. But don’t impose it! Don’t force your beliefs or expectations on them.

I believe that a girl needs to learn to be independent and happy on her own before she gets married. If she doesn’t know how to handle/control her emotions, finances, schedule, or priorities well, imagine the stress that will put on her husband! He can’t, nor should he do everything for her. How will she run a house while the man is gone if she doesn’t know how to run her own life before she even gets married?

People don’t grow up unless they’re forced to grow up. If you keep a child in the house their whole lives, they won’t know how to survive out in the world. They won’t know how to care for themselves. Now imagine that poor child that had been sheltered their whole life, be put in charge of a family! They won’t know what to do. How to act. How to lead. How to be an example. It’s a disaster waiting to happen. So why shouldn’t a girl move out? Shouldn’t she get a chance to have her freedom too?

 
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Posted by on August 27, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

Start with “me” to build a “we”


One of my friends, Brandon, was always in a relationship. I don’t think I’ve seen him single for more than a week in all the time we’ve know each other. Now he wasn’t quite the chick magnet, but he had a way with words. He was one of the good guys.

In one of our discussion, this came up. He admitted that the real problem wasn’t not finding the right girl, but hating to be alone…

In order for there to be a you+ me= we, there must be a heathy “me”. A growing relationship is based on two mature individuals who know how to handle life and want to share it together. When one of them is dependent on the other for their happiness, weird things happen.

When the relationships is a patch for a soul struggle, a deep heart wound or insecurity, the relationships is not in a good spot. If you’re using the other person just so you won’t feel alone, how much is love and how much is self-love?

I’m not talking here about being selfish, not that kind of love but a proper understanding and relating of you with yourself. How can you love your neighbore as yourself if you don’t love yourself?

Take the time to understand who you are. Take the time to appreciate the good, to ponder about the things that need some work… Take some time to work on yourself. Be loving, be firm, be honest and real. And when you’ll meet somebody who you want to spend your life with, you won’t have a perfect heart to share… but one that’s been healing and growing.

 
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Posted by on August 22, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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The Differences Between Men and Women


Hi ya’ll! Let me introduce myself. I’m Ashley, aka Spookysister7. I have a blog about my Christian dating adventures over on Twitterpatedss7. Now, I know if you have been reading this blog, you are getting some great tips on Christian dating from a male perspective. But what about the female voice? Are ya’ll interested in that? I’m sure you are, so here is some advice, straight from the horse’s mouth.

First of all, men and women think differently. Well, DUH, right? Let me explain…

Sex and dating are the topics du jour, so I’ll focus on that. Let’s start with a ‘good Christian girl’.  I’ll assume that is what you are looking for. Well, what SHE is looking for is a husband. Now, don’t get me wrong. Not every woman is ready to settle down, and not every date has to be with THE ONE. But keep in mind that, especially as women get older and more mature, they are looking for THE ONE.

I won’t get into what THE ONE looks like. It varies according to the woman, but hopefully you want to be THE ONE. You want to find a woman to spend the rest of your life with. You want to find someone who is fun and sexy and loving. You want THE ONE too. Now, how we define who is THE ONE is where the differences come in.

We all have points. That is why you do nice things for a girl, to earn points. Those points get you a smile or a hug or a kiss. I’m not trying to say that dating is solely a transaction of points, something soulless and meaningless. But, just like in a Christian life, works count. You have to have faith, but faith without works is dead. So is love without action. Remember: LOVE IS AN ACTION.

From a man’s point of view, big things equal lots of points. If a dozen roses get you a hug, then two dozen should get you a kiss and so on. Taking her out to a nice restaurant gets you more points than taking her out to Chick-Fil-A.

Uh oh. This is where the trouble starts. You see, women don’t think like that. One action gets one point. That means whether you get her one rose, a dozen roses or a hundred roses you still only get one point. Now, at first you think this sucks, but think about it this way: instead of you having to do REALLY BIG THINGS to impress her and get points, you can do a lot of not so very big things and get the same points. Open the door for her: 1 point. Pull out her chair: 1 point. Complement her hair: 1 point! You get it.

And remember that points with women don’t hang around long. It is a daily thing. Just because you took her to the theatre yesterday doesn’t mean you can slack off today. Women thrive on consistency. They love to feel loved and respected and special.

Now, let’s get into the sex thing. I’m not even really talking about sex per se. Kissing, hugging, touching, making out, necking, whatever you want to call it. Getting a woman turned on is different than getting a man turned on. I’m not saying it is easier or harder, faster or slower, but you need to understand something about women: they have to feel the love emotionally before they’ll feel anything physically. You can do the same physical thing and get a different response based on how she is feeling emotionally.

Let me make this simple for you. Women need you to touch their heart before you ever touch their bodies.

If you want to learn more about how women (and men) work in a lasting relationship, then please check out Christian relationship counselor and lecturer Mark Gungor’s awesome YouTube videos Keeping Score in Relationships and #1 Key to Incredible Sex.

 
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Posted by on August 12, 2012 in Ashley

 

#13 Hold Yourself Well, Body Language: How to talk to Girls Series


Approach is everything. Everything. First impressions are so important. People often make lasting opinions of you in the first two seconds of their interaction with you. Body language is anywhere from 60%-90% of that depending on who you talk to.

Start be holding your chest back and you head high. Look confident. Pretend and until you get it. Fake it till you make it. Don’t slouch. Ever. Walk with confidence and direction. Make and hold eye contact. Don’t back down.

When you are sitting relax. Be poised and in control, not slouching, but be relaxed. You are perfectly comfortable in this situation. In fact, you couldn’t be more at home. Where ever the interaction occurs.

Ultimately you want this to reflect who you really are. But if you’re not quite there yet then try working on it by practicing how a confident comfortable man looks.

Smile. A lot. Genuine smile pull different muscles than fake ones. Even if our conscious brains don’t really notice a difference, our subconscious does and that is often how we get an uneasy feeling about someone who is smiling a lot and seems nice on the surface.

Practice being genuinely happy. Think about what you are thankful for, what you are enjoying about this interaction, the good things that happened to you, how much you love conversation with a beautiful woman, and that will help your smile be more genuine.

 

This is the last post in my series. There is a lot more to be said of course. But there are also more topics we’d like to cover in this blog so we’re going to move on to some other subjects. Practice makes perfect. Get out there and start practicing. Working on all these tips can seem overwhelming. But if you really want to be the kind of man an amazing woman wants . . . be amazing. And that takes hard work. It takes fixing issues in your communication, dressing well, learning how to approach and make good impressions.

 
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Posted by on August 12, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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#12 Don’t talk about negative topics: How to talk to Girls Series


I’ve had the opportunity to observe first hand or here from a girl firsthand how a first date went. One thing that always makes me laugh is guys that spend the entire conversation talking about their life mishaps (not in a funny way but in a complaining depressing way) and about how bad their ex is. I just want to take them aside and shake them. This is not going to win you another date.

Of course, you should be honest about your past. But if anything about any ex come’s up during the conversation, answer it quickly and politely then move on. You don’t need to start that subject early on. If the girl wants to talk about hers that is not your problem. Listen and make a mental note she might not be ready to date.

But when it comes to your ex leave her in the past. And this not only goes for ex’s you don’t like or had terrible break ups with, this goes for the ex who’s still a good friend.  Even if you get along great with your past, your future might not be so keen on hearing the juicy details over a cup of coffee or dinner and wine.

Remember a lot of women are insecure. So bringing up the past can do a couple of things that would hurt your chances of a healthy relationship. One it could make them start comparing themselves and seeing if they match up. Two it could make them worry that you are stuck on the past and can’t get over it. And three it could cause them to wonder if you will talk negatively about them should things not work out between you.

So answer questions quickly and shortly and move on. Or say you’d rather not talk about that on a first date. 

 

#01 Introduction: How to talk to Girls Series

#02 Get out there: How to talk to Girls Series

#03 Talk to people who seem more important than you: How to talk to Girls Series

#04 The three second rule: How to talk to Girls Series

#05 Don’t have expectations:  How to talk to Girls Series

#06 Failure is Feedback: How to talk to Girls Series

#07 Be a happy single man: How to talk to Girls Series

#08 Learn to Listen: How to talk to Girls Series

#09 Ask Questions: How to talk to Girls Series

#10 Talk to her friends: How to talk to Girls series

#11 Pay attention to the guys in the group: How to talk to Girls series

 
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Posted by on August 6, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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First Dates Ideas


We take a break from the How to Talk to Girls series before posting the last few articles to bring you a guest post. Hope you find this helpful!!!

 

I get it. You’re fearful that your first date will give you an aneurysm from awkwardness. But in a world where bars only guarantee you hangovers and restaurants only thin out your wallet, the creative first date can be as time effective as it is cost-effective.

 

Two Wheels: If you live in a city then you’ll do what I do every weekend and find the straightest street, point my front wheel that direction and pedal until the buildings of the city drop away from view. If you live in the country then you’ll want to find that favorite beach, park or trail and make it a destination (picnic, anyone?). One of the complaints I get from my friends is that they don’t have the ability to go cycling with friends because some don’t have bikes. Most cities have places where you can rent bikes for cheap, and if you’re like me then you have at least one friend with a half dozen bikes collecting dust in their shed. Ask them and I’m sure you’ll get a favorable response. America has millions of miles of road and millions more of bike trails. Get out and enjoy them, chances are that with the endorphins rushing you’ll have a better conversation perched atop your seat post then you ever would have sitting on that barstool.

 

Boating: Are you scared of the water? Can you swim? Do you think you know how to operate technology in use since the days of the Cro-Magnon? If you answered NO, YES and YES then you should entertain the idea of finding a nearby body of water, a canoe (paddleboat is cool, too) and show some of your maritime abilities. Humans are land creatures and we tend to think of our activities based on how much time we can spend safely on terra firma, but the truth is that getting a little wet and wild can be adventurous. When you’re sharing a canoe with a stranger you can learn some communication skills, earn a workout and maybe even find yourself connecting through collaboration. If all else fails you are surrounded by the natural beauty of your area and escaping the pavement prison where inevitably we’ll all be back in come 9AM Monday morning.

 

Farmer’s Market: The wheels were booked and the boat didn’t come to fruition. Screw it, lets eat! One of the best bi-products of a society inching its way towards eco-friendliness is that local farmers are cool again. Being cool means cities, counties and other municipalities are donating streets and other resources to hosting farmer’s markets. While Whole Foods is excellent, getting to meet the men and women who grow your food is a cool experience. You get to guarantee organic products and when you are with the right person you can make a meal that can transcend the modern dining experience (appetizer, wine, main course, wine, dessert, wine) and become something romantic but free of real pressure. You’re just two people buying some cage-free humanely raised chicken — no big deal!

 

Jake Albright 

After spending his post-collegiate years living like a bachelor in NYC, Jake spent his late twenties in LA in a loving and committed relationship. Now bi-coastal, and once-again single, Jake has used his experiences to become the lead writer for DatingWebsites.com. A former college athlete, he now spends his extra time traveling to visit friends and take new adventures.

 

 
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Posted by on August 2, 2012 in Jake Albright

 
 
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