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Monthly Archives: July 2012

#11 Pay attentions to the guys in the group: How to talk to Girls Series


ImageLet’s say you are at the bar and you see a girl you want to talk to. But you feel intimidated because there are three attractive guys sitting at her table with her and another girl as well. You feel certain that one of them is dating her. You get nervous and don’t say anything. Or suppose you are at a dinner party and you notice a girl who happens to be sitting with a couple gentlemen who catches your attention. But you refrain from approaching her because . . . why?

What is it that makes some guys not want to talk to a girl because they see her talking another guy? Certainly there is room for respecting another guy’s friendship and game, but who is to say he’s not “just friends” with her or even her brother?

In situations like this the best thing to do is just be friendly and talk to the guys as much if not more than to the girl. You can observe the way he relates to you to gage his level of interest and extent of investment in the girl. For example, if he begins getting closer, giving you short answers showing a lack of interest, or making obviously possessive statements you can guess he has some sort of interest in her. Maybe ask a friend later if they are together.

However, if he’s just another guy at the party why does he somehow have more of a right or a better change of talking to her than you? Competition is good because it makes us better men. I honestly think some women pit guys against each other to see who will come out the best.

Don’t see other guys as a threat. See them as potential friends, contacts, business partners, and perhaps most importantly your way in to a conversation with the girl you like. And if the girl ends up being with the guy, as long as you are respectful and charming, you’re not going to cause any trouble by talking to her.

#01 Introduction: How to talk to Girls Series

#02 Get out there: How to talk to Girls Series

#03 Talk to people who seem more important than you: How to talk to Girls Series

#04 The three second rule: How to talk to Girls Series

#05 Don’t have expectations:  How to talk to Girls Series

#06 Failure is Feedback: How to talk to Girls Series

#07 Be a happy single man: How to talk to Girls Series

#08 Learn to Listen: How to talk to Girls Series

#09 Ask Questions: How to talk to Girls Series

#10 Talk to her friends: How to talk to Girls series

 
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Posted by on July 31, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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#10 Talk to her friends: How to talk to Girls Series


ImageEver meet that fun beautiful girl who just happens to have an unattractive boring best friend? Some guys call these girls cock-blocks or gatekeepers. There are lots of theories as to why they exist the most popular probably being that beautiful girls like having a less attractive less interesting friend to keep themselves the center of attention.

Regardless of the truth, what should you do in these situations? What if the gatekeeper really is trying to keep you from entering the gate and getting the girl’s number or talking to her one on one? What if she’s actually not that bad she’s just “in your way”?

First of all you need to show that you are interested in both of them. Not romantically. But as human beings. Perhaps you could even begin by paying more attention to the gatekeeper than the girl you are interested in. Learn her likes and dislikes and charm her. You NEED her to like you.

Second, don’t appear threatening. If you are over the top flirtatious or overtly sexual or come across as a complete jerk, these gatekeepers are there to stop you. However, if you are fun and interesting and find common ground with both of them (build rapport); you will have a better chance of getting past.

Third, if you do get the number, invite to hang out, or date, be sure to include the friends (Attractive and fun or not) in future outings. This is important because while you don’t want to become a part of their group (you want to pull the girl into your exciting world not mooch off of hers) you do want to be a welcome visitor.

Finally, if things don’t work out, who knows, not all friends are boring or unattractive. Attractive girls usually have some attractive friends. If nothing happened between you and the girl, there is nothing wrong with dating her friends.

 

#01 Introduction: How to talk to Girls Series

#02 Get out there: How to talk to Girls Series

#03 Talk to people who seem more important than you: How to talk to Girls Series

#04 The three second rule: How to talk to Girls Series

#05 Don’t have expectations:  How to talk to Girls Series

#06 Failure is Feedback: How to talk to Girls Series

#07 Be a happy single man: How to talk to Girls Series

#08 Learn to Listen: How to talk to Girls Series

#09 Ask Questions: How to talk to Girls Series

 
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Posted by on July 27, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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#09 Ask Questions: How to talk to Girls Series


Continuing the listening theme. Talking to girls takes some tact. Because some girls just spill out their thoughts to anyone who will listen (or at least an attractive fun guy like you). But others are shy. They need to be asked questions. Doesn’t mean they are boring or bad conversationalists. They just don’t get out there and do the conversation initiation like others do.

So don’t just assume the girl you are with on your first coffee date wants to tell you all about her broken childhood and exciting beach plans and funny dorm mishaps. She might need you to ask some questions to make her feel more comfortable with you first. And don’t overload her with the same. She might not want to hear about your rough childhood, bitter enemies, and ex girls just yet.

How do you know which type she is? I don’t know bro. You just figure it out as you go alone. Awkward silence maybe? But don’t take that as a sign for you to do all the talking. It’s a sign that you should ask better questions. Like what? Well certainly don’t start asking her how her job is or how school is or how many siblings she has. Remember we get asked these questions a thousand times. You are different. You are better than that and you want her to know that.

Here’s a few ideas of interesting, creative, questions.

  • How do you feel about dating a male stripper? (j/k, well you could)
  • In my free time I like to [insert crazy hobby], what do you do in your free time?
  • Would you rather date a fat guy or date an 60 year old runner?
  • If you could wake up tomorrow anywhere in the world where would you be, why would you be there, and who would you bring along with you?
  • What if the only catch was, you’d wake up with nothing, not even clothes on, would that change anything?
  • Ever skinny dipped? Ever broken the law (besides speeding, come on lets be original)?
  • Do you think it’s possible to be “just friends” with someone of the opposite sex?
  • What if they are hot (assuming she says yes to previous)?
  • What if you made out once or twice with them?
  • What’s one thing that you just can’t say no to (then try to tease her by offering it to her all night long)?
  • Ok so do you think really being in love exists? Like real love beyond lust or infatuation or a good friendship? (if so) have you ever been in love?
  • Let’s compare embarrassing stories. Whoever has the most embarrassing stories in three round gets a beer. You go first.
  • So let me get your opinion on something . . . [insert anything interesting to ask opinion about, relationships, food, sex, religion, friends, etc.]?

Ok so now you come up with some ideas. I can’t create them all for you. Use your judgment. If you like conservative, sheltered girls you probably shouldn’t bring up a question about sex on the first day . . . bad idea.

Key takeaway: Introverted girls need you to ask questions, extroverted girls need you to listen.

 

#01 Introduction: How to talk to Girls Series

#02 Get out there: How to talk to Girls Series

#03 Talk to people who seem more important than you: How to talk to Girls Series

#04 The three second rule: How to talk to Girls Series

#05 Don’t have expectations:  How to talk to Girls Series

#06 Failure is Feedback: How to talk to Girls Series

#07 Be a happy single man: How to talk to Girls Series

#08 Learn to Listen: How to talk to Girls Series

 
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Posted by on July 19, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

Should I spend the night with my boyfriend?


“It’s getting late. We just started the movie. I’m getting comfortable. I feel really connected to him tonight. I’m honestly not looking forward to that fifteen minute drive home. Would it be ok for me to spend the night just this once?”

This is a popular question among Christian couple: is it ok to have a sleep over? In fact, I’ve gotten it a few times from friends. Inevitable someone hears of some other Christian who presumably spent the night with the opposite sex, or at least at their home. And so they ask: “is that ok? What do you think?”

First, like most things, when it comes to relationships there is rarely a one right answer. It’s better to start by thinking through your personal goals in life and in the relationship and then match those with your personal moral standards. Also there are two big distinctions to make:

  • spending the night on your boyfriends couch (or kicking him to the couch and taking his bed) is one thing
  • spending the night with him in his closed bedroom is another.

Some people tend to be overly worried about moral issues and temptation in relationships. My response to the first situation (spending the night in the home of someone of the opposite sex without sleeping in their bed) is this: if you can’t have self-control on your boyfriend’s couch you are not ready to think about a long term relationship.

Why? When you are married you will inevitably go through times of disagreement. You may go through a time when your man is emotionally distant and not really meeting your needs. It happens in most marriages. Meet nice, charming, understanding man at work. He recognizes those needs your husband is not realizing right now. If you haven’t built a pattern of self-control and boundaries in tempting situations, you will not be able to resist when this happens. People who say they would never cheat, who judge those who do, who think they are incapable of falling, these are the ones who fall.

The second situation requires some thought on your part. First you need to decide you goals. Many girls love the idea of being a virgin. It sounds appealing in Christian circles, almost mandatory, that you be in some way a virgin. But not many girls think about what staying a virgin actually means for their lifestyle choices. In other words, it’s a nice theory, but they don’t have clear picture of what a virgin really is and how to stay/be one.

In my opinion, many women can be very strong physically until you get them to a certain point. From that point on the guy has basically complete control of where they go physically. If you are one of these women and there are certain physical boundaries you don’t want to cross, your safest bet is don’t get close.

If you are one of these kinds of girls know this: guys love girls like you. Especially respectful guys. Because they know when the time comes you will be as crazy about them as they are about you. And this will make for a great relationship.

A couple areas you should be careful about: does your boyfriend have the same standards as you? Does he respect that your standards are stricter than his? Does he value a virgin? Does he think you are too uptight and need to let loose? If not, be honest with him how you feel. Don’t break up necessarily, but maybe you shouldn’t spend the night either. Don’t drink wine late at night if it turns you on. Don’t stay so late that you’re too tired to hold your own.

Other girls have a very strong sense of their boundaries. They could make out all night long with a guy and yet as soon as the physical starts going too far they stop immediately. These girls either have a stronger self-control of their sex drive or a stronger sense of who they are and their standards than others. If you know you are one of these girls, don’t think you can’t fall. Make sure you stop at your boundary every time. But in general I wouldn’t be concerned morally about you spending the night with your boyfriend.

If you are one of these girls stay strong. But remember, if you get married sex is an important part of your relationship. So mentally, emotionally, and physically begin preparing yourself to totally let loose when you are married. Just as you would be harming your relationship to let loose now, so you will hurt your marriage to hold back later.

Also remember to be reasonable. If you get your boyfreind turned on while making out with him on his bed, don’t consider it wrong or perverted that he wants you to stay.

Remember, making good decisions about spending tonight involes three things:

  1. Know your boundaries physically
  2. Know your weak points
  3. Have a plan and stick with it
 
 
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Posted by on July 16, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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#08 Learn to listen: How to talk to Girls Series


Girls love to laugh as much as we do. If your naturally the center of attention and the funny guy in the group your probably used to making people laugh and having them listen to you. You can probably talk about anything for hours.

Or maybe you’re a story teller. Maybe you have a lot of exciting things you just can’t wait to retell and your close friends actually do enjoy listening to you and your adventures.

Or perhaps you feel passionately about something. Politics, theology, relationships, etc. And you could wax eloquent for hours on your pet theme.

Well guess what, girl you just met probably doesn’t want to hear that for hours on end. I mean gage the situation. If you meet her in the context of you being the center of attention, sure maybe she will enjoy you continuing to hold that position for a bit.

But eventually she wants to talk. About her. And she should. That’s fair. Learn to love it. Learn to love to listen to a woman talk.

We’ve not supposed to be this way unless we’re gay in today’s society. And there is a limit. You don’t want to become her girlfriend for her to bitch to. But you do need to develop the ability to actually listen, not just hear, and actually enjoy it.

How do you do that? A couple things. First of all if she totally bores you she’s probably not for you. Just saying. But sometimes it’s more a matter of perspective. You need to get out of the mindset that what girls think about and talk about is somehow stupid and what guys talk about is somehow intelligent and logical and interesting.

Listening to a girl talk is like entering another world. It’s exciting. I don’t get it sometimes. But it’s fascinating. And they can be funny and interesting and good stories tellers if you let them. They can show you a side of life you never realized existed and its quite a delight. But you have to start with the mindset that what they have to say isn’t stupid.

So let’s say you are sitting at the bar enjoying a good beer and you realize you’ve been talking about yourself a bit too much. Look over to her and say, “you look like you have a pretty exciting life. Why don’t you tell me about it? Make me jealous.” Or your own version of that. Make them feel comfortable and enjoy the conversation.

#01 Introduction: How to talk to Girls Series

#02 Get out there: How to talk to Girls Series

#03 Talk to people who seem more important than you: How to talk to Girls Series

#04 The three second rule: How to talk to Girls Series

#05 Don’t have expectations:  How to talk to Girls Series

#06 Failure is Feedback: How to talk to Girls Series

#07 Be a happy single man: How to talk to Girls Series

 
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Posted by on July 16, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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#07 Be a happy single man: How to talk to Girls Series


ImageYour single right now. Most likely. If you are in the market for some new girls at least. If you are in a relationship, well talk to your girl and be honest bro. At least let her know what’s up. If she’s cool with it by all means continue.

So let’s assume you are single. Are you happy? Are you content? How many times have you heard the statement that unhappy single people make miserable married people (or some twist on the matter)? I’ve heard it from so many people it’s not even funny.

Funny thing is: most of these people aren’t happy. At all. They really want a relationship bad. They want to have a girl friend or boyfriend and I guess it’s become hip to say your happy single even if you’re not so they try to fit in. But two days later the first desperate miserable single person like themselves who they happen to run into becomes their next destined to fail dependent relationship. It’s not healthy and makes for failed marriages and miserable break ups.

So save yourself the trouble. If you’re not happy being single don’t date. At all. Till you learn to be happy being single. Hard to do? Yes. Very. I can attest to that guys. Remember I might write a website, but I’m a normal guy. I want to wake up next to a girl sometimes to. And it’s hard being happy being single sometimes.

But it’s hard being happy dating too. If you aren’t content in yourself (hopefully in God ultimately). Because all the sudden girlfriend has a menstrual cycle and gets moody and you have to either love her when it’s tough or be a jerk and write her hormonally caused emotions off as “a problem with her head”. And now you’re fighting and you want to break up.

Or maybe your kind and sensitive. But there comes a day when she is just every day girlfriend. And you aren’t happy because those emotions wear off. Trust me they do. Doesn’t mean you stop loving her but if you haven’t found a REAL purpose to live for besides a girl, you won’t be happy.

See so many guys have this idea that their happiness is going to be found in marriage to that perfect woman. Listen to me:

If you get NOTHING else from this website get this

YOU WILL NOT FIND HAPPINESS IN A RELATIONSHIP. Not ultimate life-fulfilling happiness anyway

Don’t believe me? Go try it your way. I did.

Read more.

#01 Introduction: How to talk to Girls Series

#02 Get out there: How to talk to Girls Series

#03 Talk to people who seem more important than you: How to talk to Girls Series

#04 The three second rule: How to talk to Girls Series

#05 Don’t have expectations:  How to talk to Girls Series

#06 Failure is Feedback: How to talk to Girls Series

 
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Posted by on July 11, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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#06 Failure is Feedback: How to talk to Girls Series


ImageEver heard that before? Probably not. If we are in college or fresh out, we probably got tired of hearing our friends or ourselves complaining about almost failing tests and trying not to be a failure at life. It’s built into our systems from grade school.

But is this healthy? Is a pass fail mindset really good? I think Christians really have it worse off than the rest. We often view Christianity as pass fail.

  • You either pass the purity test (still got the v-card) or you fail (gave into natural human passions?).
  • You either pass by saying the prayer and accept evangelical Christian absolutes (even if they have been debated by sincere scholars for 2000 years) or you fail by not saying the prayer (or simply asking a question about something you just don’t get like the Trinity or Church).
  • You either pass the passionate Christian test by raising your hands in church (or playing acoustic Christian songs on your guitar) or you fail by skipping church and having a beer.

The list goes one. But honestly, is this how life really is? Is it always a pass fail? When Peter denies Jesus did he fail the test and get kicked out of the kingdom? Or did he just hurt Jesus feelings, feel guilty for a few weeks, and then seek forgiveness and grace?

Failure doesn’t exist for you my friend. Starting today. You do not fail at anything. When you go out to meet a girl and she doesn’t want to talk to you again because you came across as creepy: you didn’t fail. No like Edison said about the light bulb (supposedly) you just found one more way that DOESN’T work.

When you get rejected for that second date, you didn’t fail. You just found one more girl who isn’t your type. Or at least not now she’s not.

It’s all feedback. It’s all contributing to make you a better man, to make you who you need to be to be the right man for the right girl when the time comes. And it will come. Because you don’t fail my friend. You are a winner and you are confident in that. Not every winner takes home the gold at the Olympics. But you can still be a hell of a good swimmer without having to be Michael Phelps.

Read more!

#01 Introduction: How to talk to Girls Series

#02 Get out there: How to talk to Girls Series

#03 Talk to people who seem more important than you: How to talk to Girls Series

#04 The three second rule: How to talk to Girls Series

#05 Don’t have expectations:  How to talk to Girls Series

 
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Posted by on July 2, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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