Let’s try to be honest here.
The good thing is regardless of whether or not you follow what you believe we won’t judge you.
The other good thing is, we don’t know who you are to judge you.
And once again, even if we did, we wouldn’t judge you.
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Do you know any solid Christian girls who are becoming seriously interested in a non-Christian guy? Does this surprise you or shock you in any way?
There was once a time in my idealistic past where I thought that all “good” Christian girls would automatically eliminate any non-Christian as an option in their dating pursuits. Idealism long gone, I now see Christian girls dating non-Christian guys as quite a possibility and in fact perhaps a growing trend.
In our last two posts we discussed how Christian dating has elevated this idea of abstinence to such a level, making the v-card (technical as it may be) a highly prized possession. While we would not say abstinence till marriage is a bad idea, we are saying playing games with our actions and our words in this area may not be healthy either.
What I’m getting at is…
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The casual, cosmopolitan, “getting physical” point of view is synthesized really well by this dialogue between Jamie and Dylan in “Friends with Benefits“:
Jamie: God, I miss sex! Right, I mean sometimes you just need it. It’s like…uh, it’s like cracking your neck.
Dylan: Why does it always gotta come with complications?
Jamie: And emotions.
Dylan: And guilt.
Jamie: Woh! Guilt!
Dylan: It’s womens fault.
Dylan: You heard me! ‘Hold me.’ ‘Lets spend the rest of our lives together.’
Jamie: Oh, please! You are no better. ‘Oh, yeah. Baby, come on now. Say my name. Yeah…eee…uuhh! I’m done. How was that?’
Dylan: Who have you been with?
Dylan: Why can it not be like that? It’s a physical act. Like playing tennis. Two people should be able to have sex like they’re playing tennis.
Jamie: Yeah! I mean, no one wants to go away for the weekend after they play tennis.
Dylan: It’s just a game. You shake hands, you get on with your sh*t.
This is quite a popular view. If people were just biological machines, sex could be recreational… just like tennis. With the prevention methods we have today, pregnancy is not even an issue some, why not?
If you look at life from a totally pragmatic point of view, this would make sense. I mean who does not want to have fun? After all, every one of us is a sexual being as much as he is a physical being. It really would work if we didn’t have a soul. It would be like rabbits in a zoo – just nature taking it course.
But the truth is that we have a soul, and our choices are moral choices. They involve a moral code- something that defines what is right and wrong. Some choices are amoral, like what toothpaste to buy or what color of sox to wear. But sex is a moral choice. It’s been recorded in most moral codes across time and the most authoritative one: the Bible.
Getting physical, having sex is reserved for marriage because that’s how God design it. When a man and a woman give themselves to each other, it’s not just for a moment. It’s design to creata oneness, community. And community is not built just on fillings- but on commitment as well. The beauty of sex is mirrored by the beauty of two souls becoming one, a new “we” which gets an identity of it’s own, and that “we” is a community.
We all want to be part of a healthy community, we all want to be loved. So let’s start by building healthy ones, and keeping sacred what is the most intimate community of all: marriage.
She said it just right:
“All I wanna do is love your body
Tonight’s your lucky night, I know you want it” Christina Aguillera
We all have that time when we just want somebody… and not just to cuddle, haha. There’s just something about being physical with somebody. It’s fun. It’s close. It’s intimate.
The reason why it’s fun is that besides being a body, the other person is a soul. They’re not just genitals attached to a body. They also have a soul… which makes them human.
In our sensory saturated society we feel that all we want is release. So much pressure from everywhere… it build up. And we want release. When TV, movies, commercial, music and books talk about sex, it’s hard not to think about it.
What if we play it safe, use protection and enjoy ourselves? The only catch to that is that there’s no condom for the soul. And the soul gets affected.
In a world where bodies are just cells, brought forth by evolution, biological machines well tunned… in that world sex is just to continue the species. Sex doesn’t have meaning… well, nothing does for that matter – outside a subjective experience.
But life’s not like that. Even if we don’t believe, we feel that there’s something else out there. We feel with our heart the reality of other hearts – or souls.
And when you make love to somebody, it’s not just a body, but a soul with a body. That’s why it’s so much fun. That’s why it’s serious.
I’d like to talk about what getting physical does, and how that plays into our relationships. It’s no secret: getting physical affects both our body and our souls. It can be a good thing, it can be a bad thing, it certainly is one of the main reason we do get in romantic relationships.
Not being physical attracted is one the most common reason not to get in a relationship. And when you’re attracted and get going… sparks fly. I’m not really interested in talking about how much to hold hands and how far is to far. That’s for another time or perhaps another post.
What I am interested in talking about is how it affects a relationship and how we use it or misuse it. To thrive, every deep meaningful romantic relationship must develop on an intelectual, emotional, social and physical level. When one is a miss, there is misconnection.
It’s also helpful to be growing in all these areas. If two people develop a deep emotional connection but have no physical inclination, we’d call that a platonic relationship. When we get physical, anything from holding hands, to a kiss or making out – that brings the relationships to a whole new level. It changes the way we think about the relationship and the other person. It affects our thoughts and emotions toward them. It moves the relationship in a certain direction…
The point is this: getting physical is an awesome things – it’s also a responsibility. Cherish it, guard it, cultivate it. At the end of the day, we’re not essentially bodies, but souls, souls with bodies.