Tag Archives: date

Girls: The Chase Goes Both Ways

 I think in Christian/evangelical communities there is this idea: “the guy is the initiator.”

This is a good idea- it really is. For the most part however, I think girls over do it. What I mean by that is that they think they’re supposed to only “wait and pray” and God and the boy will work things out. I’ve had this discussion one too many times with my female friends, with not much avail. It seems to be a given: guys are supposed to initiate and the girl is supposed to respond… These are principles from the Bible  and they are good. I think God is an initiator, He initiates a relationship with us and we respond, and to that end, men should do the same. It’s also said that “the man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” For a guy to leave his family, he must be pursuing a new one and that starts with his pursuing his future wife.

So guys chase. To a certain extent it’s even natural. But what happens next?

You see… many girls have never thought after that. They assume it’s plug and play, things will work out… the guy will continue the chasing. Some of my friends think the chase will go for the rest of their lives. Well, that would be nice, but we don’t leave in fairy tales. In the real world, it hardly ever works out like that. And I don’t think it’s supposed to.

So many times people approach relationship from the point of view:  “I gotta weed out the bad options” or “I don’t think there’s a good fit here” and they play the game, the date, the relationship quite defensive. It’s like asking “are you good enough to make it through my gauntlet”. And granted, there should be one. In the end, you’ll end up with one.

But interestingly enough, I’ve noticed that people who approach dating and relationships with this mindset forget to play offensive. What I mean by that is that they are so worried with being chased by the right person that they forget to chase back. Or the play so hard to get that they guys gets exhausted. Not fun.

Relationships are a two way street- all relationships are. IF you want to be chased, you gotta chase at some point. If you want somebody intentional toward you, you have to be intentional back. It’s just the way life works. It’s how healthy relationships work.

I’ve seen couples who do the chasing back and forth: it’s an intentional relationship. It’s intentional in getting to know the other persona and it’s intentionally in getting to be known. It’s given and take, and it’s refreshing for both partners.

To be loved is to be known. Everybody wants to be loved and everybody wants to be know- and that starts with chasing.


Posted by on November 10, 2011 in Jack


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