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So many different choices…


A popular song goes like this:
“There’s a lot of pretty girls in this city
There’s a lot of pretty girls in this town
I’m trying to pick the right one
I’m trying to pick the right one
Trying to find a shorty to hold me down”

And that’s the case… there’s a lot of different choices out there.

So how do you find the right one?

“I’m so indecisive
Trying to find a pretty girl that these shoes goes nice with”

That doesnt’ seem to be the best criteria, by any means. Some other answers are “you’ll feel it”, “it’s a matter of the heart”, “you’ll know it when you see it” or “you’ll just know”. As true as that may be with some people, it still does not deal with the fact that there’s a lot of options out there. Will you get the best option out there?

Most would want to think that. For the falks who believe that there’s only one person for you in the whole world, I’d hate to brake it to you, but things don’t really work out like that. Simple math: what if the person you’re suppose to be with, by human error (and those do happen on earth) marries somebody else? Then whoever was supposed to be married with that other person missed the que as well and thus the whole system fails…

I believe that we have a choice. God is an active part in guiding us, but I believe He wants us to mature in discernment in maturity in all things of life and this is one of them. If He would just say “marry this one” or “that one”, things would be to easy. We would not learn anything of discernment. In addition, if something goes bad, we’d say: “God, you told me to marry them- something wrong with them, could you fix it?” I don’t think we’d take responsibility as  much, and marriage is all about taking responsibility and being involved in the relationship.

So back to our question: how to choose from so many options? And when you’ve chosen a good option, how do you know that there’s not a better one out there? Well… there’s always going to be somebody better out there: somebody younger, smarter, richer, you name it. But you can’t spend you’re life chasing that next thing, because when you have it, there will be another better out there.

This is where we need to brake away from our capitalistic “get the best for my buck” mentality. Relationships are not like iPhones, used it for all it’s worth until the next one comes out. They are so much more than that, and if we don’t change our thinking, we’ll miss out on a lot.

The beauty of making a choice and staying with it, is growing together with that person, experiencing life together with them. After all, is not that what relationships are about? So make a choice, make a good choice, and continue with it. Don’t spend you’re time chasing the next best things, because guess what: you’ll start from scratch all over again, and in the mean time you could have grown so much more with your first choice.

You have one life. Time goes only one way. Find somebody to spend it with, and grow together with them. Invest in them an reap the rewards in time, with them. Don’t assume a capitalistic mentality about relationships, and if you do think about bonds… dividends pay in the long run.

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Posted by on December 3, 2011 in Jack

 

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Prince Charming came… and she wasn’t ready.


This happens and it’s not pretty. I wish it didn’t – that’s why I’m writing this post. I hope it’s not you or your friend that this happens to.

For some reason or another, there is this concept in evangelical circles that girls are supposed to “pray and wait” for the right guy to come along, and when he does, get married.

The fairy tale stories goes something like this…

  • be a good girl
  • go to college or something similar
  • pray for the right guy
  • keep growing and do the things you like to do
  • don’t play with dating, and of course don’t fool around.
  • be patient

with the desired expected conclusion

  • in good timing it’ll happen:
    • you will meet the guy of your dreams
    • he will be everything you wanted and more
    • he will be taller than the last guy who asked you out
    • he has a superb track record
    • is able to provide
    • is spiritually mature
    • he’s crazy about you
    • he wants to marry you.

Let’s be honest- we all thought like this at one point or at least know somebody who does. It’s been popularized in books like “I kissed dating goodbye” or others one like it. And it’s not a bad idea… in theory. It could even happen to you. The one thing that we miss is all the hard work that goes into it.

Fairy tales can happen, if you want to work hard to make them happen. Things turning out good in this world, is a lot of work. Whether you start a business, a book or a relationship- you’ve gotta put good work to make it happen. And here is where a lot of people fall short: they would like the fairy tale to just happen, because they are special, or because God is good. God is good, all the time however, this doesn’t mean that He will give you the best marriage ever… just because you pray. He might give it to you- with a lot of work.

The challenge is the starting point: how good do you think you are? With most good kids who follow the formula above, they think they’re pretty good. This being said,they expect that God will give them a good partner. Truth is that God does want to give us good things, but He also know how far form perfect we are- and most times we don’t. So when we have to work hard to get a good date, or to make a relationship happen- we wonder if it’s the right one. We are facing who we are – not who we think we are- but who we really are interacting in a relationship. And for most people, it’s not a pretty sight because often we don’t know how imperfect we are – and relationships really bring it out.

Instead of waiting an praying for the guy or girl of our dreams- I say we start developing who we are as a person, learn to do relationship by going on a few dates, learning to talk to the opposite sex, engaging and socializing. These are just the first steps in giving us a chance for a good relationship. The first things among these, is character development of course.

Let’s not miss amazing partners by  merely waiting. Let’s make these awesome relationships happen by being proactive and taking steps toward them.

 
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Posted by on November 16, 2011 in Jack

 

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