One mistake that most good guys I know make is to let their feelings get in the way. Either they’re not confident enough or get overran by feelings… they are just lost. And they don’t chase.
When you chase a girl- from first look, to first date, to first kiss – you HAVE to focus on her. It’s about her and her feelings. If you can’t get that off the ground, she won’t care about your feelings. Not to say that your feelings are not important, but be the first to give and then reap the benefits.
That element of “connection” is a combination of a few things: 1. emotional relating 2. body language 3.feelings of attraction 4.mystery and 5.continuity.
1. Emotional Relating
There are not that many emotionally mature guys out there. What i mean by that is guys who know how to relate in a healthy manner with their feelings. It’s not about being effeminate but being in touch with your feminine side. Guys who are emotionally mature are aware of what people around them around them are going through emotionally. They know when to get involved and when to stay at bay. They can pick up small cues and create feelings in others. Just like you work out your muscles, you can work out your emotional connectivity. Oh, and don’t forget to have some mental boundaries.
2. Body Language
You’ve hear it said before, but 93% of communication is non-verbal: 55% body language and 38% tone of voice. That being said, you’ve to pay close attention to those things. You’re saying a lot before you even open your mouth. They way you look at her, the way you walk over, your stride, your shoulder orientation – all these speak something about you (quick tip: try to lean backwards- it makes you look more confident and more settled). Look in the mirror, make a video of yourself and watch it. Then exercise better ways of doing it. This is learnable like anything else.
3. Feelings of Attraction
Here’s the scoop: feelings can be created, yes even feelings of attraction. Learn how she functions and what makes her tick: mostly by observing and active listening. Pick up when her tone is excited or what things make her smile. Then do those things and make the look random. Plan ahead, and make it look like it just happened. This leads me to my next point.
Don’t give it all away. Don’t put all your cards on the table, not just yet. Make her think there’s more to you than meets the eye, if she just sticks around. Leave some open ended question. Spark her interest about something and then change the subject (e.g. “yeah, I write poetry… haven’t done it in a while though, didn’t have a good reason to, haha. Oh, look Kohl’s on discount today- let’s go check it out. What’s your favorite thing to shop there?”). You’ve put the idea in her mind, but didnt’ make a big deal out of it. She’ll think about it later but wonder why you didn’t tell her more. She’ll be curious, thinking about you, asking questions. Mystery leads to:
Good relationships feel like they will last forever and there is so much more to discover in each other. Sometimes that happens by chance: you just meet somebody who sparks your interest and you just connect to. Other times, you work hard and created that feeling. A feeling of continuity makes both parties want to invest in the relationship. It also makes girls feel safe, and that is an amazing feelings for them, a must in any serious relationship.
So focus on her feelings. Help her, direct her feelings to where you want them to go. Do it with integrity. Be charming and engaging. Make it an adventure that both of you enjoy. Focus on her feelings and you’ll be off to a good start. Create “the connection” and then keep it going.