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Honesty and Friends with Benefits


You think you can be tricked into a friends with benefits relationship without your consent? You’d be surprised.

See friends with benefits aren’t always called by that name. Some people call it an open relationships or causal dating. But these names both convey the same basic meaning: we are here for the physical benefits of the relationship without the commitment.

However, what about  “talking” or “getting to know you” or “see where this goes” or “I like you but I want to take it slow”? See many of us engage in friends with benefits relationships without being honest to ourselves or the other person about what it really is.

Now many times you really do want to just get to know the other person and sometimes the physical outpaces the mental and emotional. So telling your girl “I really like you and I’m attracted to you as you can see, but I need to get to know all of you better” can be an extremely honest statement.

But what if you know that isn’t quite true. What if you know that ultimately she will not satisfy you as a girlfriend or wife? You know it’s going to be over as soon as the right one comes along. Is that really honest to tell her, to keep her holding on to hope?

I’m an advocate of honesty. It seems to be the best way to live even when there are occasionally some negative consequences to being straight forward with people. And by honesty I do not mean telling everyone everything. Some people are not on the level of friendship where they even have the right to know about some personal business of yours.

And girls you are not off the hook. How many girls have that buddy whom they know really like them but for some reason in their heart it doesn’t click? It’s like being stuck in the friend’s zone with a few benefits thrown in there. Unfortunately sometimes some really good guys get suckered into these relationships because they are actually into the girl beyond a friendship.

My advice is this:

Should you consider friends with benefits to hold real benefit for both you and your friend be honest. Tell them how you feel now. Tell them when your feelings change. Tell them if you fall for them. Tell them if you are sure it’s not going any further or long term.

If they stick around without the hope of there being more than that is their decision. You’ve done the right thing by being honest.

If you tell them you are interested it is up to you to protect your heart. If they express no desire to commit, than you run the risk of being heart broken when a new flavor excites their taste buds more than you do.

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Posted by on October 25, 2012 in James

 

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