Tag Archives: How to talk to girls

#05 Don’t have expectations: How to talk to Girls Series

ImageWhen you go to talk to a girl that you like one of the problems we have is that we get all these fantasies about being her boyfriend and dating her and all, that we psych ourselves out. Girls do this too. They get all dreamy eyed and start talking about this guy as if they were dating, when in reality they’ve hardly met him.

Expectations kill your ability to act natural. They make you feel awkward and take away confidence. We have this problem of expecting something to happen rather than enjoying the moment.

This can go both ways: on the one hand we might expect that things won’t go well. We might think this girl is way out of our league so how could she like to talk to me. She couldn’t be really interested in me so why waste my time. Look at her she has style and class, and my hair looks stupid today. And look at all the other guys talking to her. She probably has lots of options.

We set ourselves up for failure by thinking through things too much. We really don’t know if any of that is true. For all we really know she might be dying for you to talk to her but is too shy to initiate the conversation.

The other way this can go is setting up expectations of success too high. Or maybe we just aren’t defining success correctly. Success is talking to the girl, having a good time, meeting someone new, having a good story to tell. Success is not getting her number (eventually you need some of those but don’t worry about it now). Success is not taking her home, getting a girlfriend, falling in love, impressing your buddies.

I often tell people if they can remember one thing about meeting girls (or guys) is don’t have expectations. And this goes on into the relationships should one develop down the road: even marriage. But read our other posts to learn more about that. Expectations kill relationships bro. Seriously. 


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#01 Introduction: How to talk to Girls Series

#02 Get out there: How to talk to Girls Series

#03 Talk to people who seem more important than you: How to talk to Girls Series

#04 The three second rule: How to talk to Girls Series

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Posted by on June 28, 2012 in Uncategorized


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#04 The three second rule: How to talk to Girls Series


ImageEver been hanging out and seen this girl you really find attractive. You want to go talk to her so bad. She looks so fine. Your friend says she’s a great catch and not dating anyone. You catch her eye. You look away. You aimlessly wander toward her. Glazed eyes. Looking at the floor. You sit near her but not in her circle. You pretend to text a friend.


By now you’ve lost the courage and you saunter away trying to convince yourself she wasn’t that great anyway.


When you see a girl you want to talk to, try to talk to her within three seconds of making eye contact. That is not much time. You don’t want to appear too eager, but try to get out there and converse with her as quickly as possible. This is not something I came up with. Numerous relationship experts agree with this as a principle. Perhaps it’s because our first impressions are often formed in less than three seconds.


This does not mean making a beeline across the room toward her as soon as you spot her. What it does mean is be direct. Be the man. Go talk to a girl. If she doesn’t’ like you so what. Have a good time anyway. But don’t wander aimlessly checking text messages you didn’t get. Talk to her.


And don’t waste your time thinking forever about what to say. Just be yourself. If it’s awkward at first it will get better. I promise. Remember three seconds is not enough time for her to think about all the reasons she wouldn’t want to talk to you or you enough time to chicken out. It’s the right amount of time to make eye contact, hopefully exemplify courage and confidence and then make contact.


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Posted by on June 21, 2012 in Uncategorized


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#03 Talk to people who seem more important than you: How to talk to Girls Series

Why would you want to do that? How does talking to more important people have anything to do with getting girls?

One thing that most guys struggle with is this: when they meet a girl they really like they start treating her different, as if she was on a pedestal above every other woman. Sure maybe she is great for you, but seriously bro is she really 10 times better than every other woman in the world? I highly doubt it.

And even if she is, not every girl wants a suck up.

So here’s the problem: we treat girls we like as if we are their little b****s. And girls we don’t like? Well we’re fun and carefree and adventurous and bold and confident (hmmm sounds like a recipe for attraction.

To get over this problem it is often helpful to simply get comfortable talking to so called important people. Talk to some doctors or lawyers. Try joking around with them or teasing them. Talk to an important pastor. Learn to think of him as your buddy, in a respectful sort of way. Talk to that guy who intimidates you. Hang out with a group of people who you don’t feel comfortable with. Hang out with someone who is better off financially than you.

The goal is this: get used to thinking of people as  . . . well as people. Just because I have a doctorate behind my name (or a sexy face and blonde hair) doesn’t mean I’m actually a better person than you or anyone else. I might be a jerk and a terrible physician who cheated his way through med school and likes to party more than care for my patients.

Practical tips: talk to two people this week who you think are more important than you in some way. Ask for their advice on something. Than give them some advice or a piece of wisdom. Tell them to do something in a polite way. Imagine that you are their boss (a nice boss) and need them to do something for you.

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Posted by on June 18, 2012 in Uncategorized


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#02 Get out there: How to talk to Girls Series

Get off your butt bro. Seriously. Get off the computer or PS3 and get out there. If you want to meet girls you got to get out there and meet them. Go out to places where girls hang out. This could be a coffee shop, a bar, a restaurant, a social area, your friends how who doesn’t sit around all day and play video games.

The point is to meet girls you have to be where the girls are. You can’t wait for them to come to you. Try throwing social gatherings at your house and inviting people who have lots of friends. Ask them to bring whoever they want especially people you don’t know.

Most girls love meeting new people. It builds their social network and helps them get that much closure to meeting the illusive soul mate that they all want (sarcasm intended). But they won’t ever meet you and all your charm if you are not trying. If you are like me sitting at home writing blogs all day long, you probably won’t be meeting very many girls.

Practical tips: go out at least twice a week to an environment where you will be forced to at least say high to a few people you don’t know. Ever town has social gatherings whether it’s a dance or a concert or a party or church. Commit this week to start going out. Also: commit to saying yes. Not in a retarded fashion (Like the movie), but say yes to every invite to hang out with people. Even if they aren’t your favorite people they might have some good friends!

Ideas on where to meet girls: night clubs, church, bars, sporting events, dinner parties, coffee, classes, work, gym, laundry, farmers market, recreation areas, etc.

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Posted by on June 14, 2012 in James


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