Tag Archives: happiness

How to NOT get screwed

Would you say that as a woman on of your biggest fears is being rejected once you’ve put your heart into a relationship? What about as a guy, would it be fair to say the reason you don’t talk to a girl is because you are afraid of being turned down?

These seem on the surface to be legitimate fears. We’ve created rational in our mind for why they make sense. If I get turned down by Becky than her friends will hear about it and I will be humiliated. If Anthony rejects me, then I’ll be humiliated and hurt and I don’t know if I want to go through that again. If Marisa doesn’t go out with me I think my confidence will plummet even further.

Remember what I told you in rule one? About expectations? Part of never getting screwed has a lot more to do with your mindset than with your actual circumstances. Remember how we established early on that innate happiness was the key to the entire world of dating. If not you will constantly come across as desperate and unfulfilled, you will be so wrapped up in outcomes that you will not be able to enjoy the moment, and you will never really be satisfied in life.

So practically how does this work? How do you keep yourself from rejection?

First change your mindset. Tell yourself that rejection and failure do not exist. The only possible response that you can get is feedback on how you did well or could improve. This is the number one key. To illustrate let me tell you a story.

Not too long ago I approached a group of four girls. They were young, quite attractive, and didn’t seem to need a guy to entertain themselves. This self-created joy was appealing and drew me into their conversation. I made a few small talk remarks and then began teasing them on whatever I could find to make fun of. It turned out they went to a school nearby which had a reputation for being lesbian friendly. This brought up some interesting and comical banter which also allowed me to realize two things, they were straight and they were single. All was good so far. However, when I tried to continue the conversation at a future date by getting a number they laughed. One girl in particular said that I was trying too hard and pointed out one of my jokes that she felt was desperate sounding.

Now I had established beforehand in my mind that I was just going to have fun. I wasn’t there to pick up a girl or get a date. I was simply going to enjoy laughing and conversing with four people I’d never met before. Without this mindset I likely would have felt the sting of rejection. I might have felt like I failed. I might have lost my confidence that evening and stopped talking to women. Instead I had a great time. Got a good laugh out of the story. And learned a valuable lesson. Some of my jokes just aren’t funny.  And I’m totally ok with that.

We’ll talk about the other ways you can protect yourself from being screwed in the future. But for the next few days I want you to practice changing your mindset. Whenever something doesn’t go the way you might have wanted it to go review the circumstances in your mind. Look for feedback in the interaction. Look at it as a challenge. Failing is fun not painful.

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Posted by on November 19, 2011 in James


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