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Are you ok?

Reader question:

I just recently started talking to this girl. We’ve been out about three times, but only once was a date. I really like her but not quite sure where she’s at. Last night we were at a get together at my buddy’s house and she seemed somewhat distant. I kept asking her is she was alright and she said she was fine. Should I call her today just to check?

First of all how confident are you? Let’s go back to my first posts and consider your inner game. Are you truly happy with who you are? Is your happiness independent of the beauty at your side? Are you a self-satisfying person who adds value to those around him rather than sapping it up like a sponge on spilled coffee (just happened to be cleaning up some coffee myself so it seemed a good analogy)?

If you have learned to separate yourself from the outcome (i.e. enjoy the get together with or without her approval) you are off to a good start.

So what about her seeming distant? This could be any number of things. You hardly know her (3 dates?) so you really don’t know what else is going on, what other dynamics she may be dealing with, the time of month (always important for a guy to be sensitive about this isn’t it ladies), family and friend issues, etc. If you genuinely sense something is wrong my personal policy is to ask. Once. And then leave it. And not assume it has anything to do with me.

But what if it does? Here’s my personal opinion. If you are acting within your moral guidelines, living according to the values you have set out for your life, than if she is upset at you about something the problem is not yours. At least not at this point in your “relationship”. She cannot yet have expectations of you right? I mean seriously after three dates? Now if you had been together for a while I wouldn’t let you off the hook so easy.

As a general rule of thumb though let me say this: Don’t interpret girl’s emotions negatively. Assume they are having a good time. Assume they enjoy your presence (why else would they want to hang out with you?). Have a good time yourself. Happy people are attractive. And absolutely don’t call the next morning asking if she is ok. Ever. (Ok yes if she was choking on her own vomit or in a head on collision with a moose maybe I’ll let you make an exception).

If you stop asking if she is ok she will realize that you are confident, that you are in control of your emotions, that you aren’t needy, and she will let you know if she is not ok.


Posted by on December 8, 2011 in James


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