But what will my friends think if I spend the night with my boyfriend?

06 Jun

If you’re just getting started go read part one of this article firstShould I spend the night with my boyfriend?.

Friend’s opinions effect our decisions more than we would like to admit. I’ve noticed with many women that other’s opinions of their actions matter more to them than whether or not their actions are right or wrong. Interest isn’t it.

We talk so much in Christian dating about doing the right thing, honoring God, obeying his word. And yet most of our decisions have absolutely nothing to do with that. They have more to do with what our best friend thinks, what our mom would think if she knew, what that lady from church would say if she found out.

My advice is stop listening to them. Get their advice for sure and think about it. But decide your standards beforehand. And if they recommend something that disagrees with you just say “thanks for your thoughts, I will certainly keep that in mind”. Smile. And change the subject. I’ve seen so many couples who are already married and still in bondage to what the parents and in-laws think or what the couple next door is doing. It’s not healthy. Advice is good. Worrying about your reputation isn’t always so good.

Ultimately you should base your decision on your conscience. If you have thought about the Word of God (if that is important to you) and come up with morals you believe you should live by, don’t violate them. Who cares if your best friends “can’t believe you would do something like that!” You are going to live with your husband. Your best friend may move to Canada and leave you.

If you feel you can be self-controlled and you’ve weighed the risk and listened to older couple’s advice, then spend the night a few times to get used to it. I know this is no kosher Christian advice and I don’t mean to say “do what’s right for you and I’ll do what’s right for me, it’s all relative anyway”. It’s not, but I can’t decide your morals for you. If you really feel its ok, stop worrying about what the girls in your Bible study think. They should stop judging and start loving.

Christians often forget to model their lives after the life of Jesus. When one looks at how Jesus conducted himself, he was more often at odds with the religious right wing conservatives of his day. He was more interested in his follower’s hearts than in their specific actions. He seemed to want his followers to go out and love rather than worry about following a rule book.

Jesus forgave prostitutes and adulteresses while condemned the “righteous”. That would be like Jesus coming to you after you’ve messed up with your boyfriend, “Look I know you’ve done wrong, but I forgive you, go and sin no more” and then turning to the pure innocent friend who hasn’t even kissed her boyfriend and is looking down on you and saying “why do you judge, do you think that you have won my approval by following a set of rules at the expense of loving my daughter here?”

Morals are good. But if you don’t know how to advocate for them without being judgmental, condemning, unloving, or hypocritical than maybe you should spend more time working on yourself than on those around you.

1 Comment

Posted by on June 6, 2012 in James


One response to “But what will my friends think if I spend the night with my boyfriend?

  1. Two of Us Houston

    July 12, 2012 at 10:32 pm

    I think that it’s so how many people make their decisions based off other opinions. I know I have in the past and still do. I’ve learned that opinions from your loved ones are good but like the article suggests, you should have your own opinion first and thank your family and friends for their insight and move on. Hopefully, if you’re in a mature enough relationship you’ve talked about all this openly and you’re mature enough to stay within the boundaries you’ve created based on your morals.


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