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Controlling boyfriends (part 1)

06 Mar

First, you should like me on Facebook here.

There is possibly nothing more unattractive than a controlling boyfriend (except maybe a controlling girlfriend!).

I remember sitting in a coffee shop and overhearing this young dating couple discuss financial issues. The guy was demanding that his girl react to her parent’s lack of support in this situation the way he would react. He was basically asking her to step out of her personality and comfort zone to conform to his way. And he thought he knew just how to do it. He held her hands. Looked deep into her eyes. Put some passion into his voice. He then started telling her “you’re not fine, you’re not fine at all, you need help!” Of course she countered by assuring him she is fine and can take care of herself. But he continued to passionately enforce that “no, you are not fine, you need to listen to me and do what I tell you!”

Ok I don’t know the whole story and I can’t judge, but why do guys feel the need to control their girlfriends?

I’m going to start by standing up for them. Some guys honestly want what’s best for their girls. Girls, how many times have you seen your man make an obviously poor decision and wished you could somehow change his mind. Hopefully you don’t resort to manipulation and nagging (it won’t work on me!). Maybe you’re man is doing the same for you. Maybe he really does know better than you on this particular situation. 

When we see someone doing something we think is going to hurt them sometimes we wish we could control their mind and make them change. We may passionately plead and try. But in the end the decision is theirs. And I think many of us humans have to learn the hard way. And life experience often proves the most condemned decisions end up being the best. So we fight against those who adamantly disapprove of our actions.

Perhaps that’s what the guy in the illustration wanted. He honestly thought he could help his girl out by convincing her somehow to do things her way. In relationships where you as a man feel than your girl is perpetually making poor decisions and you have tried therapeutic reasoning (not boyish whining like I illustrated) you may want to consider a relationship change. Some people just don’t make good life decisions.

Either way we must all realize we can’t change people. We can’t! We can calmly tell our opinion and try to show our reasons, but in the end they make the choice. And often in retrospect if we’d just seen things from their perspective we’d have perhaps thought differently.

So if you feel you must control your girlfriend because she is constantly making poor life decisions, why are you dating her? You can’t save her bro.

And if you sit back and realize you never took the time to get into her shoes, why don’t you stop telling and start asking!

Up next: the other reason that guys are controlling.

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2 Comments

Posted by on March 6, 2012 in James

 

Tags: , ,

2 responses to “Controlling boyfriends (part 1)

  1. Grace

    March 6, 2012 at 8:16 pm

    Hey,

    I was reading through your piece and my cousins came to mind.

    He saved her. She constantly made (and still makes) poor choices/decisions. She came from an interesting background.

    But because he loves her, he guides her. He does save her and she needs it. They love each other deeply and have been together for 12 years now.

    So I beg to differ.

     
  2. Christian Dating Games

    March 7, 2012 at 1:34 am

    So your saying that it was healthy for him to be the “savior” and to in some way exert a controlling influence on the relationship? Wouldn’t you say that is not the norm though? I think we as guys have a savior complex sometimes and want to try and change those we love who we feel aren’t making good decisions. But NORMALLY this isn’t going to work. Glad it did in your cousin’s case though. Thanks for sharing!

     

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