Why Christian girls are starting to date non-Christian guys?

17 Feb

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Do you know any solid Christian girls who are becoming seriously interested in a non-Christian guy? Does this surprise you or shock you in any way?

There was once a time in my idealistic past where I thought that all “good” Christian girls would automatically eliminate any non-Christian as an option in their dating pursuits. Idealism long gone, I now see Christian girls dating non-Christian guys as quite a possibility and in fact perhaps a growing trend.

In our last two posts we discussed how Christian dating has elevated this idea of abstinence to such a level, making the v-card (technical as it may be) a highly prized possession. While we would not say abstinence till marriage is a bad idea, we are saying playing games with our actions and our words in this area may not be healthy either.

What I’m getting at is this: it seems that very outward signs of Christianity such as not drinking, being a worship major, wearing modest closes, and of course abstinence, have been elevated to such a level as to neglect other perhaps more or equally important areas.

What about the idea of being understanding toward your wife (1 Peter 3:7). Paul talks about loving your wife and not being harsh with her. These ideas of love and understanding make me think that they are talking about empathy: simply understanding a woman’s point of view, thinking through her mindset, and respecting and loving that different view point.

What about the idea of being a leader. We’ve covered significantly the subject of men not being able to be leaders and make decisions and how women struggle with that. Some Christian guys take it too far and become dominant and controlling. This is a much an insecurity and the inability to make decisions.

What about the concept of practicing what you preach? If you’re going to quote scriptures and condemn those heathens who aren’t living according to the Word you better be sure you are living up to those lofty standards.

I could go on. The point is that I see many Christian women struggling to find a good Christian guy who has more than just a few outwardly noticeable morals, a man who realizes that a relationship with his wife means more than just quoting some Scripture and expecting her to submit. Its more than being a worship leader or sending the kids to Christian school. Its a lifestyle of self-sacrifice and joyful servant leadership.

So these girls are looking for that elsewhere. And because of teaching about marriage being a good thing (and it is) and sex before it being a bad thing (once again), these girls are willing to consider non-Christians who seem to get it, even if they may be missing the spiritual aspect.

And certainly Christianity has become an outward shell for many Christian women too, which may have them thinking “if he just goes to church he’s good enough”. If all you want is acceptance in the Christian sub-culture that probably is good enough.



Posted by on February 17, 2012 in James


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19 responses to “Why Christian girls are starting to date non-Christian guys?

  1. Selorm

    March 29, 2012 at 10:32 pm

    I am glad you pointed out Christianity as being an outer shell for most men in the church now. I have many lady friends who seem to have these problem, yet most find out only after getting committed. Any tricks on identifying true christian men with virtue and love before getting commited?

    • Christian Dating Games

      April 3, 2012 at 5:43 pm

      Don’t get committed too quickly. I have a friend who met a guy and didn’t even think she liked him. Yet two weeks later she’s dating him! The most successful marriages of my friends who have gotten married are those who were friends before marriage or dating for several YEARS! Its hard to be patient but its worth it to have a good relationship.

      BTW we’ve moved to Our twitter is @datingames and don’t forget to like us on

  2. zoegrl

    March 31, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    Honestly, I think the biggest reason Christian girls date non-Christian guys is because the non-christian guys are the ones who ask us out.

    My experience (and that of SEVERAL of my friends) is that we ladies wind up with several Christian guy friends…and they want to “hang out” all the time…which is technically fine. BUT then we wind up being interested and think they’re great, etc. but the Christian guy is SO picky he never asks ANY of the fantastic ladies around him out on a date.

    So then the girls (who tend to wind up asking each other “whats wrong with us??” to which the answer is generally speaking, “NOTHING!”) wind up getting asked out by non christian guys who think they are super nice, caring, sweet, pretty, etc… and we don’t know what else to do!!

    For example: A girl is interested in a guy from her church. She is open, friendly, invites him to game nights and dinner parties…ya know friendly stuff. She does this for a while…. He starts to show what we assume could be interest…pays her lots of attention, texts her a lot, flirts…ya know stuff that people do when they are interested. BUT he never asks her on a date. Same girl, walks into a coffee shop (concert, bar…whatever…) she’s the same sweet, confident, awesome girl she always is and BAM! like 3 or 4 (nice, confident, genuine) guys come over to intentionally talk to her and ask for her number. AND THEN THEY CALL!! Crazy concept, I know. And the truth is she’s both grateful & bummed; grateful because while those guys were great and they clearly saw something in her they wanted to pursue but bummed because they don’t share her ONE PASSION: Jesus.

    We WANT to go out with Christian men….but they seem to be waiting for some version of a Christian girl that we aren’t sure exists….

    (For the record: I don’t think its an excuse for Christian women to date non christians….I think as women, its an opportunity to trust Jesus with our hearts while we wait….its just one of the trends I’ve seen in the past few years among my circles of friends.)

    • Christian Dating Games

      April 3, 2012 at 5:39 pm

      WOW. That is such a great response – I want to repost it on our new website for all our readers. I’ll link back to your WordPress. You really said it better than I could – and I guess being a guy I shouldn’t be surprised. Honestly one of the big reasons I started this website was to help guys be real men and go out and ask ladies out. But it is true most guys are too nervous or too scared or (if they grew up in some Christian circles) there is just way too much unhealthy pressure on guys – its like the first date is supposed to lead to marriage!

      BTW we’ve moved to Our twitter is @datingames and don’t forget to like us on Thanks for the great comment

      • zoegrl

        April 4, 2012 at 1:51 am

        I definitely agree that there tends to be too much pressure on guys… I try to encourage the girls I’m around to not run crazy scenarios in their heads or start naming children and picking out dresses just because I guy asks you to dinner or coffee!

        I appreciate the website and all you’re doing to encourage guys and bless people. Keep on keeping on!

      • Christian Dating Games

        April 4, 2012 at 2:51 pm

        Absolutely. If you have any ideas on how we can change/improve/reach more of the Christian community we would welcome them. Also if you ever feel you want to write a guest post feel free to let us know. Our private email is

    • Selorm

      April 4, 2012 at 5:52 pm

      I am super impressed, you couldn’t say it better !

  3. zoegrl

    April 4, 2012 at 9:18 pm

    Thanks! Maybe I’ll work on a post about running scenarios for the ladies. 🙂 grace and peace to you guys! He is Risen!

  4. Selorm

    April 5, 2012 at 6:02 pm

    Grace and peace to you too, and may his rising renew in us the joy of our salvation and love unfeigned.

  5. John

    June 23, 2012 at 2:36 am

    A lot of broken hearts out there. The world is out to do Christian men in any way possible. Some of us are just emotionally exhausted from surviving the silent war on us and then we get judged again and condemned again.I’d say ladies try encouraging some of them and stop playing games with non-christian men.Non-Christian men operate on the Devil’s programming and it will impact your kids and you in the future. Courting, this is not play. This is your life ladies and you’re not winning.

  6. realityenchanted

    October 20, 2012 at 9:32 pm

    Hmm!!! Quite a topic. Let me quickly say thanks for following my blog, before I get lost in this topic.
    In addition to what Zoegirl said, I’ll add:
    One, packaging. Christian guys should pay more attention to their outside person. This should not be at the detriment of the man inside, of course. Things like appearance, sociableness (you don’t have to be a wild extrovert or party-animal to be friendly and socially engaging), etc. These things do not make one any less of a Christian but they help present one in a lovely light. People can’t easily see what’s in you all the time, but how you are outside could endear them to you. You don’t have to speak dirty before you can engage freely in a discussion. Clean-up good and “sweet”, be friendly and approachable, be free and light. I guess, with time, anyone can learn to flow better at discussing with the opposite sex. But, don’t shy away from the early awkward days of social meetings. Oh! And of course, know what you want and ask the lady out. She won’t eat you up, you know!

    Two, as outer shell Chritianity is for gome guys, so it is for some ladies. Some Christian ladies still secretly (or clearly) feel attracted toward “bad boys”. They desire someone who can play rough and break rules, and be “dirty”; and won’t feel too bad about sex before marriage. They desire some or all of “dangerous” (or unsafe) qualities Christian guys may be afraid to show. I guess it’s partly because of subliminal (subconscious) fantasies we have absorbed which shape our sexual desires. Somewhere in the mind, the lady feels the “bad boy” can give her a more exciting romantic adventure. There is also the case of ladies with the “hero” complex, who want to “change” bad boys. The list goes on, I guess.
    I am in support of this -WP, twitter, facebook. Keep it up, with God’s marvellous help.

    • trueloveproject

      October 21, 2012 at 6:25 am

      great comment 🙂 thanks! You Live in lynchburg? We need more people like you!

      Yes I think you are right about mostly all you said. The hard thing is so many guys are week and have sex before marriage but at the same time are so judgemental they start feeling guilty for it and judging their girl for giving in. Non Christian guys aren’t this way most of the time. Similarly Christian guys think that loving the Lord and more importantly reading the Bible makes a wonderful partner in a relationship. When in reality it has very little to do with the psychology of a relationship at all. Sad but true.

      • realityenchanted

        October 21, 2012 at 10:26 am

        No, sorry. I live far away on the African continent.

  7. Kyle

    October 20, 2012 at 10:50 pm

    Probably because non-Christian guys are more exciting & less boring?

    • trueloveproject

      October 21, 2012 at 6:22 am

      you are probably right, and more honest about who they really are 🙂

  8. Mckenzie

    November 3, 2012 at 3:12 am

    Thanks , I’ve just been searching for information about this subject for a long time and yours is the greatest I’ve came upon till now.
    However, what concerning the conclusion? Are you positive concerning the supply?

    • trueloveproject

      November 4, 2012 at 8:53 am

      Thanks!. What do you mean by the supply and the conclusion?


    February 20, 2013 at 12:26 pm

    Hi there mates, its fantastic article about teachingand completely explained, keep it up all the time.


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