So why would I bring up such a “touchy” subject related to Christian Dating?
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Now, what’s the title of our site? Christian Dating Games. One of the games I think that we play as Christians is pretending that because we uphold some small technicality we are more moral than the rest of our fellow human beings. I’ve seen this in many area of Christianity and I think it’s a crucial reason for the mixed confused mess than many dating couples find themselves in.
On the one hand we play all the hard to get, flirting, teasing, value building games of the rest of society. On the other hand we pretend we have these exceedingly high Christianized morals in our physical lives. But secretly do we really want these moral standards at all? Do we find every way around them because we are sincerely struggling against a terrible sin that is hard to defeat (as most Christian relationship “experts” would tell you)?
Or do we find every way around our morals because we really don’t personally know what we believe? But it seems acceptable in the Christian bubble to speak out against sex and natural desires outside of marriage. So we speak out against it. But secretly try to get around it every chance we have because we don’t personally see the problem in fulfilling natural human desires.
Here’s an example of what I mean. As a kid I often got angry (mostly inside, I was good at not letting it show) at people. In fact, I can remember numerous occasions where I actually wanted the other person to die. Basically (like the verse in the Bible that says he who is angry with his brother commits murder) I wanted to have them murdered.
Sounds terrible. We don’t think of little kids being like this. But they are. However, I realized at a quite young age the consequences of such an action. I was terrified of them. Not only that, I also realized that I wouldn’t want them to kill me if I was angry. It was clear to me that killing was NEVER the answer for anger. And of course I saw this at a later age Biblically.
I think a few people see sex before marriage like this. And even today in college or post-college they still see the dangerous consequences. But most of us don’t. We might have been “brainwashed” by Christian subculture to believe it’s bad. And we might hold certain standards. But honestly deep down inside we really don’t see anything truly dangerous or wrong with it.
So we teach one thing and practice another. Here’s my suggestion. Decide what you believe and stick with it. Stop praising your boyfriends to his face for being such an example of Godly purity when what you really want him to do is make love to you all night long (true story btw).
If you find you don’t really believe typical Christian morals, stop pretending you do or making up games to somehow keep you in the acceptable circle. Remember, owning who you are is perhaps one of the best ways to be more successful in dating. And I think we could all benefit from being less judgmental of those with different standards than ours. People are very perceptive and can tell when you reject them no matter how subtly for having slightly different standards.
Genuine people are much happier, have better relationships, and despite being wrong in some areas, seem to be much easier to live with . . . in my opinion.
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