Be warned this is a candid open post that talks about real issues that Christian singles and couples deal with every day. However, if you are uncomfortable with open talk about sex, don’t keep reading (maybe just do the poll below real quick)!
How many times have you heard in Christian circles that sexual immorality or fornication is wrong. This seems absurd to most people outside of Christianity and perhaps is increasingly rare in practice among Christians. However, it would seem that abstinence (of some sort) is still widely taught. What we don’t seem to agree on is what that really is.
Let me give you a few examples. Coming from the Liberty University (Lynchburg, VA) Christian community, I’ve seen how high Christian girls in particular elevate virginity. But what makes a girl a virgin? I once heard a story of a girl who believed that as long as she prayed before sex, and then prayed again afterward (presumably asking God’s forgiveness) that she was still a virgin. She would tell anyone who asked that she was and in her heart she really was.
Here’s another example: a different girl, determined to keep her virginity, concluded in her mind that as long as she didn’t kiss the guy she could have sex with him all she wanted and it wouldn’t actually count as sex. I would presume she felt sex was wrong, or at least undesirable in her circle, but that what really makes true intimacy is kissing along with intercourse. Interest.
Other’s understand that the most technical definition of sex is vaginal intercourse. Thus anal sex, even with numerous partners, is perfectly fine and leaves them technically still virgins. In fact, I’ve heard stories of girls who have had way more partners than the normal sexually active individual, but because they were all anal, felt they were virgins.
I’ve met guys with a different approach to the situation. Its not ok for you to do it. But yeah me and my girlfriend, well that was different. We didn’t really mean to. And we ended up getting married in the end.
What about oral sex? Or how about fingering? What about touching? Where do you draw the line?
Another school of thought is that the line is not so much drawn by physical boundaries but by how much you love someone. If you love someone and are committed to them its ok to express yourself physically.
I’m not here to tell you how to live or to discuss theology. That’s not the point of this blog honestly. And I certainly don’t condemn any Christian for where they draw the line. After all we all make mistakes and the couple who abstains from all sexual contact before marriage may very well have an unkind attitude toward each other that could in the long be as detrimental to the relationship as anything else.
I will say that I’ve talked to some non-Christians, and they say “what’s the difference? If oral sex wasn’t sex it wouldn’t be called oral sex.”
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What do you think? The poll below is completely anonymous. So please answer honestly and let me know.