The number one thing Christian guys are lacking is . . .

11 Jan


Simple huh. Christian’s guys can’t think for themselves. They don’t have the confidence approach a woman or the confidence to take a “no”. They are afraid of rejection, afraid of standing up for what they believe, and afraid of commitment.

At least from the girl’s perspective. Just a few days ago we posted on being a man. This is key to having a successful happy dating life and eventually marriage if that is what you want. A real part of being a man, according to women, is being confident. I think this goes way beyond attracting the woman that you want however. I think that women are attracted ton confidence because there is a safety in a confident man. She’s knows he won’t be a pushover, she knows he can provide should the need arise, she knows he can better protect should she feel need of that.

While evolution is certainly not the best explanation of how we got here and not supported Biblically, some of the ideas of survival and reproducing offspring are parts of who we are as humans. Women have to carry children and therefore are hardwired to want a protective, confident, providing man in an intimate relationship.

But instead we have a bunch of push overs. Why is this? We could blame it on feminism and say that there just isn’t a need for men to be men any more. Or we could say that toleration has become the new standard and it’s better to just blend in then stand out and face ridicule. However, it seems that regardless of what society may seem to tell us, most women still want a confident man who can stand up for what he believes and make decisions. A man who isn’t worried about offending someone because of what he values.

There are a lot of ways to be a confident man, and some have already been discussed and man more will be as we continue to look at relationships; but I want to leave you guys with one short piece of advice for being more confident:

Stop relying on cool friends and cool clothes and liking the right bands and movies to make yourself feel confident. Be confident in who you are. Own your manhood. In other words, don’t go to the hip church just to fit in with the cool kids if you prefer hymns. Don’t wear sweaters and skinny jeans just because all the other worship majors do. Be a real man and have an opinion. Don’t be an asshole about it, but seriously is it really going to kill if you think for yourself and stop worrying what other people think all the time?


Girls what do you think? What do you see Christian’s guys as lacking that perhaps non-Christian guys seem to have a better handle on?


Posted by on January 11, 2012 in James


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5 responses to “The number one thing Christian guys are lacking is . . .

  1. Scout

    January 14, 2012 at 7:43 pm

    Several months ago I was lamenting to my dad that Christian men lack boldness and that dating in the Christian culture today is vastly different than what it was back when he was my age (not to mention that when he was my age, he had already been married for 5-6 years!). Following that conversation my dad came across an article in World Magazine ( that speaks to a lot of the present flaws in Christian dating. From the circles I ran in in college and the struggles I am having finding any meaningful relationships well beyond college, the article in World Magazine is pretty spot on with my experience. Books like Passion and Purity and I Kissed Dating Goodbye were on the rise in popularity as I entered college, which drastically shaped my views of dating and relationships, as I am sure it did with many of my Christian male friends. Being young and impressionable, I didn’t know any different and followed the teachings of those books almost religiously.

    So, yes, I am sure many men are lacking confidence, but more so I feel Christian singles are just confused and not really sure what dating is or means and how it plays into relationships and Christian community as a whole. More on my personal experiences with this misguidance can be found in this post

    As I continue to explore the topic of Christian dating, I am finding many folks (including a lot of my single female Christian friends) in this same confusing state trying to figure it all out. It seems both of our blogs are targeting this great need for clarity that I am assuming you yourselves are facing as my blog companions and I are also facing.

    Cheers to the dialog and the fruit it produces!


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