Two lessons on Ex-lovers and Big Waves

10 Jan

Two quick lessons:

1. Leave the past in the past. Doesn’t this sound like your typical stupid dating advice that sounds so good in theory but is so hard to follow in practice?

Let’s put a more realistic spin on it. First of all: if there is someone in your past who is holding you back, who is a drain on your life, its best to just leave them there. I know sometimes you really want her back because she is familiar. Or maybe he understands a part of you that no one else does. Or maybe she is just the one that got away. But seriously, if this person is draining your life and causing you to miss out on meeting people, making decisions, and moving on, you have to let them go.

However, can any of you honestly say that there is someone from your past who is not a drain on you? Maybe they actually are a good friend and you’ve moved on from whatever romantic or otherwise entanglement you may have had? For some this may sound absurd. But for others . . .

Here’s what I can suggest in this situation. Don’t let your future be clouded by your past. In other words, maintain that connection with confidence knowing where you stand. If it is a guy who you can never go back to then always remember that no matter how good of a friend he is. Don’t let him ruin the real possibility you’re talking to now. But perhaps things will change. You’re past the point of getting hurt or being in love. But sometimes old friendships rekindle into something more and make amazing relationships. Just don’t bet your life on it or spend your life wishing rather than living.

2. Guard your heart. But in all your guarding don’t forget to feel. Ever heard the saying better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?

Have any of you been hurt in the past so many times that you wonder if you really want to open up again? Or maybe you just guard you heart exceptionally well and don’t see the need to “feel” for someone.

Every once in a while though you will meet that person with whom you have an amazing connection. Maybe you’ve played the game and you’ve kept yourself from being hung up on one guy. But honestly you really can say “this guy is different” and somehow know your right. Remember first of all that these “different” people in our lives have the most power to hurt us. Unless the almost impossible thing happens and you both feel exactly the same, most likely the other person isn’t quite as crazy about you as you are about them.

But is it really worth guarding your heart that much? I think, from experience, that even if in the end you lose that person, those moments you had together actually make it worth putting yourself out there. I know this goes against a lot of my typical advice. And I would say even when you allow yourself to feel always know that forever is not a promise, even for good Christian people. The only forever we are promised is with Christ.

For most of us we could probably do without this brief lesson. We should guard our hearts more. We should not get so hung up on one person and think they are the world. But every once in a while you realize that the little waves along the shore maybe be easy and frequent and non-threatening. But sometimes you need to take a risk and go for one of the really big waves that only come so often, even if you know in the end it will break your board and leave you with a mouth full of salty water (to borrow from a mentor of mine). Just make sure you know how to surf before you try the big waves.


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1 Comment

Posted by on January 10, 2012 in James


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One response to “Two lessons on Ex-lovers and Big Waves

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