Remember what I talked about naturals? How they just seem to have it all together naturally and that it doesn’t take any effort? I laugh sometimes when I hear guys say things like “Oh that’s just not me. I’m not that good with women. I could never get [insert beautiful, blonde, smart, intimidating girl here] to go out with me. I’m not [insert self-defeating label here] enough for her.”
It makes me laugh not because I want to make fun of these guys but because it’s so opposite of what is true. And by saying those things their creating a self-perpetuating, self-defeating habit.
Remember this statement: Your shortcomings and weaknesses are completely dependent on the power that you give them.
This is a basic self-help principle. The effects of the seemingly negative aspects of our personality are totally up to us. Suppose you are somewhat nerdy guy. You like writing blogs (i.e. myself), talking about philosophy, and reading books. You never really got into sports and probably couldn’t tell the difference between a rifle and a shotgun. You don’t really like to party and if you do socialize its normally one on one over coffee and some deep debate.
I have a challenge for you. Find out what you love. What motivates you and excites you. Become an expert at it. Love it. Be excited about it. Make it interesting because, well it is interesting to you! That’s the key, own what you love.Your first thought might be, “either I can be myself and stay single or maybe get a desperate ring-by-spring girl if I’m lucky, or I can forsake who I am and totally be someone different; but there is no way this is going to work.”
Now rather than going out and trying to impress a girl by asking her out to dinner at Olive Garden or taking her to a movie try this: Invite her into your world. The world you love. Where you are most comfortable and most yourself. Be as confident in demonstrating the value of your world to her as you would to another one of your nerdy friends.
Think about it. When someone is enthusiastic and knowledgeable and charismatic about something, even if it’s something you normally don’t care about, the spirit rubs off and you feel good. You know why I think most guys hate shopping with girls? Because girls don’t do it because they are experts at what they are doing and enthusiastic about their finds. Most girls shop because society says to fit in you have to look a certain way and dress a certain way. And so sometimes it almost feels like your freedom is taken away from you trying to please society. Am I right ladies or totally missing the point?
I’ve had the fun experience of shopping with a girl who simply owned shopping. She knew what went with what and where to get the best deals and unique fashions. And I had a great time doing something I NEVER do on my own.
So let’s take Paul’s Biblical principle and apply it to our relationships. Find your supposed weaknesses and make them your best attributes. This might mean dropping a few things (i.e. video games, I mean come on guys). But it might simply mean just being confident in what you already love, and taking that girl into an entirely new and exciting world where you are the master.