Dave noticed Emily the first day of class. She had that “spark” in her eyes, he told his bros. And he knew he liked her from day one. She actually sat next to him in class the next week . . . but he didn’t say anything. Still that was an indicator of interest right? He started researching her. And getting to know her friends. The more I can know the more I can find out what she likes and attract her right? But when it came to the actual approach he grew increasingly nervous. He would make random comments about the class they were in or ask about homework. But whenever he was about to make a move he would think about everything that would go wrong and how that would totally ruin everything he had worked for. Not worth the risk. He had to get it perfect first and then make the approach.
Not exactly. In fact, this is exactly what you don’t want to do. Ever
Never care so much about the game that your actual happiness as a person is affected by it. Your happiness and contentment needs to be completely unrelated to you getting the girl (or guy) you are interested in. Once you begin investing too much personal interest you will lose.
Why? Psychologically it is unhealthy for us to “need” someone to fill a whole. We need friendships and relationships in general in life for sure. But when you invest your emotional wellbeing in someone you barely know like that you broadcasting insecurity and neediness. These two characteristics are not what make you attractive. Trust me.
Solution? Don’t care? Enjoy meeting her because you’re a fun guy who loves to meet new people. With that in mind meeting her friend could be just as fun. If she is actually a charming person then the conversation will be enjoyable for the both of you (unless you aren’t a charming person, in that case go back to the drawing board and become one, no joke). And you don’t lose anything if she walks away!
That’s key. If you are happy and content in your life, enjoying the moment and pursing what you want in life, you’re not going to lose anything when she walks away. What’s meant to be will always be. If she’s meant to be with you she’ll come back. You made a good impression by showing that your confidence and freedom that come from being a man with a purpose outside of needing girls to fill an emotional vacuum.
Girls. Same goes for you. Don’t worry so much about the outcome of a coffee date. Why does it have to turn into a relationship? Or why are you worried you might not actually like him when he asks you out? If he sucks that bad say no. If not just have fun. The end. Don’t care about the outcome or you will be sure to procure yourself heart ache and emotional baggage with every guy. Marriage is great but stop thinking about it till a guy asks you.
If you haven’t taken the time to invest in some real friends now might be the time do so. Do you have people you can count on? You can share with? If not your only that much more needy and that much more likely to scare a decent guy or girl off for good. Care about your friends. But not about outcomes. Especially with that girl you just met. For all you know she could be your worst nightmare seducing you with an angelic mask.